Reflection on 2014

See? I told you I was going to do this ;)

Lately I've been finding it difficult to enjoy the little things in life. I'll try to, but I don't want to have to force myself to do things. Don't worry, I'm probably going to see someone once the holidays are over.

Things have happened, though. I haven't stared at a wall all day...lol. Some old friends of my parents came over Sunday and invited them out to dinner. We also went to breakfast with someone my dad knows. I was surprised that I enjoyed it, but perhaps it provided me with the social interaction I needed/avoided. convenient
I've been through a lot this year. Not physically, but mentally. And I only say that now because I know we all go through things now - before I was making myself more ignorant to pain. Like I would just ignore it. But I've gotten to a point where I can't avoid it anymore and I'm just sick of it all.

Numbing the pain isn't working, not anymore- if anything, it makes me more upset because now I can't feel! I want to enjoy life, and I think I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all, but it must be my body's defense mechanism against pain.

I'm going to get everything looked at, though. I already mentioned on a post months old that I had gotten checked for depression, and it looks like I'll be going down that route again. But the thing is, I don't think I was ever okay. I just numbed the pain, I think, because as time passes by, I find myself caring less and less about things. That's not how I want to live my life. I want to enjoy life and live it to the fullest, even when I struggle. I want to see that life is worth it. I want to be happy.

So I guess that's kind of my "resolution" this year. I've had several ones, but this one is really sticking with me: I was ignoring a lot of my problems by trying not to care anymore. And there's no shame in asking people for help. I kept thinking that I had to do everything on my own since I've read that no one can heal you but you, but that doesn't mean that you can't ask for help and for people to guide you to the answer to your problems. It's a balance I'm still trying to find, but I know it's there.

Just like you can spend too much time with people when you don't get anytime to unwind and be in peace with yourself, you can spend too much time in solitude - especially if said time is spent moping or not doing anything to help you in the long run. A lot of my time alone was spent thinking of how miserable I felt about myself and life, thinking about self-destructive thoughts, and just unhealthy things. Worse was that I felt like I had little support outside of my feeling, which is not a good feeling to have. There have been times where I've honestly felt like I've had no good friends I could call up to just vent to, and I don't like that. Hopefully, I'll learn to cope better and possibly maintain strong relationships with people whom I need in my life (and vice versa).

I feel like I could dub this as one of the "worst" years of my life, but that's not entirely true. There were some pleasant things that happened. The time I got to meet two actors from Under The Dome was awesome (and a moment I will never forget<3)

This was also the year I started paying attention to my feelings and realizing that my unhealthy thinking patterns were not serving me any purpose. This was the year I decided to change, or try to change, for the better. Despite my ups and downs, I did try moving forward. And perhaps nearly hitting (or hitting) rockbottom made me realize that I can't continue my life like this.

I've also realized that happiness is my ultimate goal in life. Before I guess I was thinking about other things, like school and work, and though I still think those things are important to my living, it's not my goal to get a job or whatever. Come to think of it, I don't know if I ever really knew what my goal in life was - that's a big question! I think I was living like that as a kid, but as I got older I fell into the trap of thinking I had to get a good job to be happy and all of these other sort of things that really weren't important. If you're not happy, nothing else even matters - trust me.

The happiest people don't have things that make them happy - things may bring them joy, but they have inner joy that they tap into daily. It doesn't matter if they're rich or poor, man or women, whatever ethnicity they are, what their job is (or lack of) job is. That's why suicide isn't determined by people's living conditions or anything like that - it's determined by their happiness. Like sayings go, nothing can buy it. It's a state of being happy with yourself and finding happiness, choosing to see the good side of things (and possibly using humor when things get rough). It's not so clear-cut, . You can work on it everyday. It may not be easy, but the act of changing your thoughts to more positive ones isn't so egregious and complicated. It's simple.

So I guess that's at least one thing I learned this year that worked for my good. I'm trying to build my spirits up, because honestly, sometimes I just feel so down. And when I'm not feeling down, I usually feel numb. I want to get back to that mostly-satisfied state I had as a child. Even if I wasn't completely happy as a kid, I know I must have seen something differently, because I never thought about ending my own life as a kid. But maybe I'll never get back to that. But that doesn't mean I have to be unhappy for the rest of my life. I really hope I do mature from being a kid and be happier with each given year.

2015 is going to be a better year for me. Not that 2014 is bad, but I want each and every year to get even better than the previous ones. I made mistakes, not everything that happened to me felt good, and I can say for sure that just about nothing went as plan. But I hope that I'll be okay. I realize that, in spite of some of the things we go through, no one is completely destroyed, even if you feel that way. The world doesn't collapse. I truly want to believe that everything will be okay, and is okay. It's not "perfect" or expected, but it's okay.

This is more a speech for myself, because I'm really struggling right now, but if it does help someone out there who's reading, then I'll be really happy. I'm one person I hope it'll help. I hope that I'll be able to look back at my posts when I'm older and see a change. I know I have changed, even if I don't feel like I've gotten very far at times. We all have. I'm going to work on forgiving myself for my mistakes and learning to move on. I can learn from my mistakes.

Those are my words for this year. 2014 was an unforgettable year, like every other year is. I'll see you guys next year!

Two Weeks Till Break

I enjoyed the Once Upon A Time mid finale, especially since RUMPLE FINALLY GOT CAUGHT!!! WHOHOO!!! THANK YOU BELLE!!! Seriously, though, I was practically doing my happy dance when she called Rumple out for his mess. I was getting so SICK and TIRED of him getting away with everything, acting like he could have two things (Belle and power). Hook nearly died, too, because of him - ugh, I knew they wouldn't kill him off, but seriously, I was worried until Belle came in like a total hotshot and told it to him straight! Yes! I feel bad for Regina, though, having to give up Robin Hood AGAIN, because apparently, when she tries to be good and redeem herself, bad things happen :/ But I had tried to have faith, believing that they were right about villains always losing, and look what happened! Henry's helping Regina find the author to make herself happy (as well as Emma helping her - I love those two together :D) and to top it off, there's an awesome-looking teamup Rumple's doing with three villainous ladies from Disney - Maleficent, Cruella, and Ursula. I don't know why, but I'm so flipping excited for those three ladies ;) haha

But what am I going to do now? OUAT won't be on again until March, and Agents of Shield is off now, I think...Yeah, I know I only watch two televisions series, so my options are low, but still - most of them end now, right? Ah, whatever...I think Switched At Birth has a special that may be coming on next week or so...maybe I'll take a peek, I don't want to make too many assumptions just yet. And My Little Pony returns next year, right? In the meantime, while I'm hollering for 2015 to come around the corner, I'll be binge watching both Boy Meets World and Family Ties. Seriously, though, it's going to be a long week consisting of 80s and 90s televisios shows, possibly with a combination of old Saturday morning cartoons found on Youtube :) Talk about going back in time! xD

I finished What Happened To Goodbye! The ending kind of surprising, but I was satisfied. It wasn't that perfect "happily-ever-after"that I thought it was, but it was a happy ending :) Oh, and two people I shipped/thought may get together? They ended up getting together, so yeah :) I'm not talking about the love interest of the protagonist, because that one was obvious, but her father. Anyway, I liked it. Like I said, romance isn't really my thing, not when it's by itself, but when it's with other things going on, but this was a pretty good book. I'd give it 3.5/5 stars

Amidst all the freaky fangirl stuff, I have been having more serious thoughts. I think I'll label this section "falling down and rising back up", because that's what's been happening not only these last two months in the year, but the whole year itself.

I wrote on my "A Very Special Post" (or whatever I had called it) how down I was feeling, how I was lying to myself and felt really unhappy, and how I was going to change that. Well, guess what? I feel back down again. And I'm really upset, but I'm also telling myself that I'm human, so it's natural. I am having a hard time getting back up, and through it all, I see that I may not actually have completely healed as much as I would have liked myself to believe.

One of the things I was proudest (and probably vainest) about my recovering was that I could do most of it on my own. I would read self-help books and get occasional advice from people, but I thought I could handle it on my own. I heard that you were the only one who could change your life, so I thought that meant you pretty much had to do EVERYTHING on your own. And not only did it make me feel overwhelmed, it also made me feel like I had to put myself on-top of others.

I think that arrogance is probably just a trait we get whenever we feel like we have to put ourselves above others so that we can feel better about ourselves. That's how I feel, at least. Even when I was feeling overloaded, I kept telling myself to keep going, but I didn't get any help from anyone. I barely asked for help, and if I did, it was probably because I was asked if I needed help from someone else. I thought I didn't need to go to others to help. I thought I was beings strong, I guess.

And eventually I fell, as I posted last week. And through the pain, whenever I can think straight, I feel humble now and realize one very big mistake I made: I didn't get the support of others. There's a verse in Proverbs that mentions how pride goes before a fall, and that could not be truer in my case. I felt like I had to do a lot and I probably fed my ego that way so that I would feel better about myself, and look at where I ended up: back on the ground.

But don't worry - I'm feeling better now :) I just made a big revelation today that's making me feel SO much better. I'm not going to say that I'm totally okay, because if I immediately jump on it I may be more likely to spiral down just as quickly, but I certainly feel better. Like maybe I can enjoy this break that's coming up (I was dreading it before, as amazing as that sounds).

Thanks, as always, for reading my blogpost (to whoever's reading, of course!) I may not see you but it feels good to share and be honest, even if it's just me typing out my words and reading them. I hope you all have a wonderful week! :D

Holidays Are Coming Up!

'Tis the season to be jolly! Every season is, of course, but I know people are excited for this season :) Not only are we getting a break (which I so am looking forward to), but we've also got holidays coming up! Whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or New Year's Day or whatever holiday that's coming up, you should all have a great day :D We need vacations and holidays and such to help us unwind and reflect on everything that's happened. 2014 has certainly been an interesting year (as all years have), and we've had our ups and downs, but overall everything's OK. I may be saying that more for my sake then anyone else's, but I do hope anyone reading this will keep that in mind :)

I really don't like how they're making Rumple on Once Upon A Time now :/ Even though I enjoyed last week's episode (especially seeing everyone under the Shattered Sight spell - Snow and Charming were especially funny, especially Snow xD), Rumple just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. The freaking Snow Queen redeemed herself! (I'm not sure how I feel about that - I felt like it was too quick for the people who had only known her as manipulative and evil but it made sense in the context of her backstory) Yet Rumple can't?  How many people have to sacrifice themselves for YOU to live, Rumple? (Yes, I am aware that I am talking to a fictional character and don't care) I mean, Cora died for you (though that was Snow White's fault - I loved how she said "I killed the Evil Queen's mommy" and acted like she wasn't as innocent as she seemed under the curse xD) and Neal did, too! Gosh! He was getting somewhere with his character development but now he's just uck.

Oh, well. This Frozen arc's almost over, as is the first half of this season, and maybe we'll get somewhere with Rumple. Even though I'm not really into the one-arc villain story, I am surprisingly excited that they're bringing in Cruella (yay!), Ursula (yay!) and Maleficent (huh? I thought she was killed) Three of the baddest Disney villainesses all on OUAT? Heck yeah!

I know I haven't been talking about Agents of Shield as much, but that's mainly because I haven't been watching it as much. I've been trying to go to bed earlier so I only catch half of the show now. But let's see what I remember...Skye finally met her emotionally-unstable psychotic dad who's often got blood on his hands like a butcher. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she's an alien...I have NO idea what Ward wants anymore. He went from being meh in most of season 1 to being "huh?" when we found out he was working with Hydra to now being a guy whom I have no idea what his motives are anymore - and I'm not sure I really care :/  Seriously, let's just get rid of him. I don't like his character anymore. But at least I like the other characters  (especially May, who's gotten less brooding and more awesome :D)

The book What Happened To Goodbye is an enjoyable read, but romance has never really been my thing. So you may be wondering why I even picked it up, right? xD The truth is, I needed something to read to help with writing (and for the joy of reading, of course :D), and I've heard Sarah Dessen's books are good, and I do like contemporary fiction, so I figured that I'd check it out. I promise, I may not read much romance in the future (unless it's in the context of a humorous romance) because it kind of bores me when that's the main plot. I do love a good romance (no pun intended) but I really get hooked when there's mad chemistry between the characters - there's got to be a LOT and I mean a LOT of good chemistry, like it's fricking sparks igniting (lol), or otherwise I'm kind of "meh" or here-nor-there with the romance - I'm feeling the latter in this novel. Actually, I'm not really into the characters in this books (I do like them, and really like a few), so that's probably part of the reason I'm not as into this book as I would like to be. But you know, it's a good book. I plan on finishing it, too.

Speaking of books, I've made a list of bunch of them I want to get on some notes, and I tried putting them on my "to-read" lists on GoodReads. Surprisingly, I had a lot of romance novels on there, but I did put a humorous-looking one (see?) on there that I read a preview of and think I'll enjoy - it's called To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han. I've gotta see if my library has it, but I might have to wait...I don't want to buy it just yet because I'm not sure I want it.

Okay, fangirl alert - I saw this awhile ago, but now I have more information on it - WHY IS THERE GOING TO BE ANOTHER SELECTION BOOK??? I thought the series was over! And it's going to be set 20 years in the future, with America and Maxon's daughter in the Selection! WHY??? I thought that the Selection would be eradicated! Granted, it would probably take more than 20 years, but they can't just be okay with this,can they? Especially America? Ugh, I'm just so confused right now, and feeling conflicted...of course I WANT to read it, or at least check it out, but I'm just so...I just can't right now, people, I just can't. I have to wait until May 2015 or just stop making assumptions...so far away...so much freaking stuff happening in 2015, people! Can we all handle the entertainment abundance? xD

To be honest, I haven't been writing much (shame on me!) Aside from my diary, though, I really haven't been writing...It's not that I don't want to, because I know I do, but I'm just running out of ideas! Usually I'd blame it on not reading lately, but that leads to the question of why I haven't read lately, which leads me to the simple fact that I haven't felt like it. Lately, I had been feeling out of sorts...

Even though I thought I was learning to handle my depressive feelings, that proved wrong. I was doing okay for awhile, and right now I'm okay, but I was feeling horrible a few days ago or so. It's like whenever I heard about the stuff with Ferguson and police officers beating people up and Ebola and all the bad stuff going on, I just collapse. I don't watch the news anymore, but of course I hear about it from social media - and even with the decrease of my social media use (or trying to decrease it), I still heard about it from other people. For awhile I just tried avoiding it, but apparently that's not working...I'm not actually dealing with the problem, I realize, but rather ignoring it. This usually makes me feel numb, and just really horrible.

I think I made the mistake of thinking that I could deal with all of my problems on my own. Yes, I had help from self-help books and quotes, but that doesn't replace face-to-face conversations. I started avoiding people, I realize, whenever I felt down. And this just made me bottle up my feelings and feel really horrible. I can't deal with all my feelings on my own. I know that, ultimately, only I can change myself, but in the process, I missed a very important aspect of recovery: getting help. So I talked to my friends about this and my mom, and I've considered talking to someone. I know I feel fine now, and I don't feel like I need therapy or anything, but how long is that going to last? I can't keep going through this cycle of feeling OK sometimes and horrible the next. There's never really a time when I feel truly happy - there hasn't been for years, actually. But I'm going to get some help now.

Sorry for the sort-of depressing post there...I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. I'm working on being more honest with myself now. I know I'm not going to tell every intricate detail of my life to the public, but I can at least stop pretending that I'm okay when I'm not. "I'm fine" is the most consistent lie I have ever told, and I'm sure others have, too. It's okay for me to not be okay all the time, I'm realizing, as long as I get help to feeling okay. I'm not going to be really depressing or anything - I tried to keep most of this post upbeat and positive - but I'm also not going to pretend that I'm happy when I'm not. If I start identifying my emotions, I know I'll be better at handling them (emotional intelligence, a newish word to my vocabulary ;)

But don't worry about me; I'll be fine. I know that I can get through this, even though I may not feel like this somedays. And I have had some good things happen to me, so it's not like it's all bad. That creative writing workshop I went to those weeks ago was fun, and of course I LOVED the Thanksgiving meal that we had. 2014 may have been challenging, but I refuse to say that it's all been bad. It hasn't. It's not so much "bad" or "good" as it is that things just affected me and it made me feel bad. But I'm okay. Everything's going to be OK :)

What Happened In November

Here is a review on some things that happened in November, which includes some things I may have forgotten to post last week ;) It's in no particular order, even though I did try to put some of them in order, but it's no perfect timeline or anything xD

1. I went to a creative writing workshop at my brother's college! He was talking about how his creative writing teacher was hosting a workshop and wanted Manny and some other classmate there and he knows I'm into creative writing, so he asked me if I wanted him to ask the teacher if I could go (lol this is getting convoluted) and I basically said yes. So he asked and I guess she said yes! :)

Anyway, that was fun :D I got to meet a few of his classmate friends beforehand (I felt kinda like a third wheel, but my mother assured me that that was normal. It wasn't like I had met these people before, lol). One girl complimented my earrings, but it took me a moment to realize what she had said (delayed reaction--happens a lot to Fairley :P lol) and I said thanks but forgot to tell her I made them. Anyway...I met the teacher, too, and thanked her for letting me sit in the class. She seemed pretty laid back and happy that I was there :)

Eventually (not too long afterward), we went into the classroom, where someone had brought some goodies (water bottles, carpi sun, and some cookies/desserts!) And then we sat down and class got started. I learned some new things there, like some words (onomatopoeia is my new favorite word xD) and some new strategies on how I could improve on my writing. At the end I got a water bottle and ate some DELICIOUS cookies (yum!) So yeah, the whole experience was fun :)

2. Thanksgiving happened! I wrote about that last week, of course :) But it's still worth nothing :)

3. My maternal grandfather came over that following Saturday.

4. My maternal grandmother (Meemaw) came over the next day.

5. I started reading City of Angels but stopped. I wrote about that last week, too (see? I didn't forget everything!) I feel like my writing skills are lagging because I haven't read anything I've really wanted to, lately, so I'm going to start reading some older books in the house until I get to the library.

6. I won NaNoWriMo (and subsequently wrote my first novel). That was definitely exciting! I know it's the reason I haven't posted in awhile, but it was totally worth it, even if I don't do it again next year. It really taught me to stick to a goal, as I told you before, and made me write more consistently and made me have no time for things like writer's block or not being in the mood to write.

I can't think of much else that has happened the past weeks or so. Finals are coming up in college for my older brother, and I guess I'll be graduating my first semester in 12th grade. Even though I'm stoked about starting college next fall, I don't think I even realize how much time has passed by O_O That's why we should enjoy every moment. Capture it. When it's gone, you won't feel upset, really, because you lived fully in the moment.

Just some words of wisdom I've learned from others :) Happy Holidays, everyone! Here's hoping we'll make 2015 an even better year than 2014! (But don't forget to enjoy 2014, of course. The year's not over yet ;)

Guess what???

I'M DONE WITH NANOWRIMO THIS YEAR!!! WHOHOO!!! I GOT IT DONE A DAY EARLIER THAN I THOUGHT!!! WHOHOOOOOO!!!! I'M FINALLY DOOONE AND FREEEE!!!!

It was hard, and I don't know if I'd like to write a 50,000-worded novel again in 30 days, but I don't regret doing it at all. Nope. It gave me the kind of motivation I need - it pushed me to make a goal and stick to it, no matter how hard it may be. It's inspired me to give myself a more in-depth goal in my writing so that I actually get something done. So yeah, I'm glad I did it :)

So what's been going on since my month-long hiatus?

Not much, really, but who ever says a lot has been going on in their life excluding those rare occasions? Once Upon A Time will probably go on hiatus soon (I'll rant about that later ;) and so will Agents of Shield, I think. My Little Pony's going to return for a fifth season next year (Eep! I'm so excited) and I want to watch Mockingjay Part I with some of my friends during the holiday season. I may try to get back into dance, too, and do more volunteering at the library to kind of get a feel for the work there to see if it's anything I want to do.

A sort of big change is happening, though. I'm in my senior year of high school :O (cue dramatic music - DUM-DUM-DUM-DUUUM!) So, you know, as soon as you turn 18 you have to know what you want to do with your life, right? xD Lol, jk. But it feels that way sometimes...I'm going to try and relax, though. Some of the stuff I went through this year has really taught me to stop stressing so much and take time to enjoy life. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to look at my adulthood at what it truly is - the next chapter in my life. It's exciting, just like a book - what adventure will I encounter next? I'm excited to find out myself. Life is an exciting journey; it'd seriously make a great, engaging book :)

I've been looking at universities I may be interested in going to next year in the fall...I really don't like how it seems like you have to go to college to get a "good" job, but whatever...other people have proven that you don't have to (Bill Gates, anyone? A lot of those famous actors and actresses?) But honestly, I kind of feel like I want to go to college. It's the first time I've ever actually gotten excited about school xD I suppose compulsory education, being mandatory, makes you kind of not like it since you're forced to do it :P But anyway, I feel like I want to get a higher education, and plus, from what my brother's said about it, I think I'll like it. I'm actually rather excited, to be honest. I think I may actually want to work in a college just to stay around the learning atmosphere ;)

But I'm starting off in community college, because there's no way in heck I'm going to pay $10,000+ for two years of college education that I could have gotten for about $4,000 instead! (I guess my parents are actually paying for it, but still xD) And community college isn't easier than universities or other colleges - believe me, I took an introductory course there (I mentioned this in a post about last year) and it was challenging!

Let's see..what else has been happening lately? The stuff I wrote previously was written ages ago xD Lol, well, not THAT long, but pretty long, you know. Aside from NaNo, I can't really think of what I've been doing lately. I started reading City of Fallen Angels, the sort of "second" series in the Mortal Instruments series, but I stopped. It's just not as interesting as the first series to me, but I'm glad I read through the other ones and enjoyed them :) I saw some recommendations for some interesting-sounding romance YA novels, which is different because I'm not much of a romance novel reader. But some of these books are tongue-in-cheek/humorous while others just seem more realistic (like Sarah Dessen's stuff - I haven't read much of hers yet, but so far it seems interesting). Whenever I get back to the library I'll do that.

Of course, Thanksgiving came up two days ago (only two? It fees like longer...)We didn't invitee anyone else over, but with a family as big as mine, we're already a huge bunch xD Anyway, we had our traditional foods - turkey, ham, stuffing, etc., including my personal favorite, mashed potatoes :D And I hope we'll make some mac & cheese on Sunday, since that's our "off" day when we start indulging ourselves with unhealthy eating since we were supposed to eat healthy the other six days of the week ;) Momma said she brought some, so I'm really looking forward to that. Yum...

But you know, a friend mentioned on Thanksgiving Day how we should always be thankful during every time of the year, which I totally agree with. Thanksgiving is just a day to reflect on that. We all have our problems, but we're really blessed people. If you just take the time to list a few things you're thankful for, you'll start feeling grateful and happier :) I think I may do something like that in my diary just to keep me in a good mood :)

Christmas is coming up, too, of course. Black Friday madness occurred yesterday xD Which reminds me, I'm glad there's a great deal on everything, but I don't like hearing about people getting stressed or pushing through people or whatever to get a great deal on Black Friday. People spend time with families on Christmas, and it's sort of like Thanksgiving with being grateful for one another, So just relax and go shopping for loved ones, but also remember to have fun! We all deserve to enjoy life :D

I can't really think of anything else, to be honest...I should have logged more down in my diary. The year's coming to a close end (can you believe that?) and 2015 is just around the corner. I don't mean to say that to look so ahead in the future, because we should always be living in the moment, but I say that to take a moment to reflect on everything that's happened this year. I know I have been doing that now but especially a few weeks or so ago. A lot has happened this year, more than we've even realized, and I want to write a sort of "reflection on 2014" post during the last week of December.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. Happy Holidays, everyone!

Almost Done With NaNoWriMo!!!

As the title implies (more like says xD lol), I'm almost done with NaNoWriMo this year! And OMG am I SO EXCITED!!! It's been a rough 20-something days or so, but it's been worth it. I can't believe I'm writing my VERY first novel! And it's going to go over the 50,000 word limit! And I'm going to finish before the end of November! YESSS!!!

Anyway, I should be done by Monday, so expect a next post by - you guessed it - next week! See, I'm going to be a little less than a week early getting back to this blog post! I've got some stuff I want to share with y'all, so be prepared! ;)

Happy writing to any NaNoWriMo-ers out there! And Happy-Upcoming-Thanksgiving week, everyone!

So...Very...Tired

In case you guys have been wondering what I've been feeling since I've been busy with NaNoWriMo, it's that. Writing 50,000 words seemed like a hefty but possible goal, but now...I KNOW I can still do it, but it just feels like so much...it's like a never-ending goal...so...many...words...I'm SO glad I'm rewriting this story instead of starting from scratch...that would have been a nightmare...

Anyway, so yeah. That's how I'm feeling this week. Tired. That's what happens with all my stories: after the first week or so, I get tired, even sick of it, in a way. I guess it's just because I spent so much time with that one story - a month, usually over 28 days unless you're February (excluding Leap Years, of course...) - but I usually get over it. Because, hey, I wasn't writing a novel then, so I figured a good 1,000 words, maybe more, a day, would work. And I didn't pay much mind to word counts, so however long I needed it to me for me to say, "Yes, that work's completed" worked well enough. I even allowed myself to take off weekends - from my story, of course: I still wrote on those days - which was REALLY nice.

But NaNoWriMo? Oh, no. It's not easy-peasy, or even a little easy. It's not even relaxed. Its' HARDCORE, man. Writing a novel is hard enough, but writing a novel in a MONTH, writing not much less than 2,000 words EVERY DAY??? It's torture somedays.

I don't regret doing it, though. I like challenging myself. I actually kind of love it, in fact, if that makes any sense. It pushes me. It makes me stop procrastinating and get the job done, a discipline that I really need when it comes to my writing. It eliminates distractions, because if you miss one day, then BAM! you're behind. It's vigorous, but it helps me write.

So yeah, I don't regret doing NaNoWriMo this year. I did the camp this summer, and that turned out pretty okay, and I just wanted to experience NaNoWriMo once, even if it's only one year. And it's looking like it just may be one year, people. Because this thing is HARD.

Anyway, that's what's been up with me. What's been up with you? Or am I just talking to air? I never know if anyone's reading this blog or not...

Anyway, like I said, that's it. Wow, this post ended up a lot longer than I thought it would. I thought NaNoWriMo had killed any other writing left in me xD. Anyway, I'm saying "anyway" too much, and I'm tired. Writing is mentally draining, but when I finish it, I'll be DONE. And I'll be proud, too. Not only will I have (hopefully) completed my story, but it will also be the first novel I've ever written! How exciting is that? :)

See you guys next week! (Even if the post is shorter ;)

Hey Guys!

Sorry I haven't gotten a long post today! NaNoWriMo's been kicking my butt! It's intense, man! Other things have been going on, too, so I just haven't made the time or felt like writing much today. But I'll post more after November is over!

The (Hopefully) Better Post

...that I promised last week, if you remember xD And I did the thing I said I was gonna do last week, where I copy what I wrote in my diary/what's happened in the day everyday, and now look! This post is longer, ain't it? I hope y'all happy xD xD xD

Autumn in my hometown is so flaky! The past week or so was COLD, but for the beginning of this week it was WARM! What the heck? Not too long ago, I just went through the time to transfer all of my summer clothes in exchange for fall/winter attire. But somedays it's hotter and other days its colder. I can never decide what I need to wear. You're moody, weather! xD

I wish Rumple had been on last Sunday's episode of Once Upon A Time :( The show is just not the same without him. I mean, I like the other characters, but he brings something special to the show. And I really wanted to see more of Hook and Rumple's rivalry this week! I wasn't really into the backstory with Emma and Tiger Lily, but it eventually served its purpose. And I wasn't big on the plot line with Snow White & Charming (it didn't seem to move the storyline), and I hope they give Will something to do, because I'm not really sure why he's here right now except to annoy the characters xD

I just wanted to get all of the negatives out of the way first, because I loved how this focused on Emma and Regina's strained relationship and Emma trying to mend it back together - but Regina's still being stubborn old Regina! Although I DON'T believe her when she said that Emma never stood up for her - that's so NOT true! In the beginning, maybe, but later on Emma stood up for Regina when no one else would! But she conveniently forgot about that when Emma ruined her love life :P Ah...I wasn't too surprised to see the Snow Queen as Emma's caretaker, it looks like, and possibly one of her foster parents? But she doesn't remember...Aha, everyone in Storybrooke always seems to lose their memory at one point or another xD Next week looks intense, but doesn't every promo do that? I mean, I'm still gonna watch it, but the promos are like movie trailers - they always cut out the less exciting stuff and only show the engaging stuff! xD

Monday was the day that Taylor Swift's fifth album, 1989, was released...and I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I like how she's experimenting with other sounds - and I love pop - but, on the other hand, I don't like how it seems like (because I don't have the album yet) a lot of her songs are just fun pop songs. Don't get me wrong, I love those songs, but I wish she had some more of her older ones, you know? I just hope she doesn't have too many generic songs, because I loved her original music and how she had her own style.

It was one of those strangely-warm-in-a-transition-to-winter-weather days, so my Meemaw came over and we had a picnic! We were going to do it outside, but we did it on the front porch instead, since they're bees out. Cause, apparently, bees come out during the fall xD Lol, jk - bees don't care about which season is "right" for them to be out - they just care about whether or not if the weather's warm enough for them to pollinate ;) We had fun eating Bojangos (yum! I shouldn't have been eating fast food during the week, but I couldn't resist xD) and talking.

Later on, we went outside and just enjoyed the outdoors. Don't get me wrong, I love technology, but I know we're spending more time on it than we need to, and it's good to soak in some fresh air every now and then. I'm going to try doing that again, even as the wintertime is coming up. My mom said that she read somewhere that opening the windows for at least 5 minutes a day is supposed to be helpful, so we'll probably do that :) I also had fun taking photography - I just love taking pictures at the right angle. If I remember (and I make no promises xD), I'll try posting them up here :D

Honestly, I love outside, but I'm getting tired of getting stung by mosquitoes  -_- That's why I love our screened-in porch! (Though some bugs still get in, but not as many :) And I may need some Off spray or something, but last time it didn't work :/ I may just need something else, I dunno. But those bugs aren't gonna stop me from going outside! Even if it is out on a screened-in porch!

Speaking of that technology lecture I gave xD, I wanted to talk about that more. Part of it felt like just me, but I think a lot of us are spending a bit of an excessive time on the screens. Technology is great, but we should make sure we use it in moderation. That's with everything, of course, but I guess technology just has SO many advancements - like, I feel like I almost NEVER have time to enjoy some new tech before another one comes around! - and there's just so much to do. I'm trying to remind myself of other things I enjoy that don't involve the screens, namely, the internet: reading, handwriting, dancing, drawing, crafting, purging (yes, purging), and, while I'm not the biggest fan of sudoku, I love how it challenges my brain :) I made a list of things to do off-screen, too, which I hope will help me not to strain my eyes on the screen too much. Life can be just as fun, if not more ,off the internet :)

Agents of Shield started getting tense this week with the introduction of Ward's brother! I don't know who to trust, though...I say neither. Wit the way Grant had been acting, I have a feeling that he did hurt him, but, as the wise Obi-Wan Kenobi once said, truth is from a point of view (Star Wars nerd, I had to make the joke xD) Anyway, it's about time Ward escaped, if you asked me! Now we'll get some action! Without Garret, though, I think he's probably just trying to kill his brother or something - what else does he have to do? He acted like he had no life outside of Garret before. Oh, well, let's see next week! (On a side note: I am in love with Mockingbird, and her and Hunter together. I ship them hard, and I rarely ship anyone ;)

As you all know (or should know! Lol, jk) it's the first day of NaNoWriMo! This is also my first year doing it. I did the camp last year and won, and I'm determined to have the same ending here The first day, of course, is the easiest, because you're all pumped and stuff. But the remaining days may become a little more hectic. But don't worry! I'm not going to give up, and neither are you, if you're doing the challenge! We can do it! I have faith<3

Anyway, I said all that to let you know, too, that I may not be posting as much this month due to NaNoWriMo. But I will post! I promise! Even if it's short, I will post! I have a goal to write everyday, and I've met that goal more times than I have missed it. I'm determined to do the same here. The other blogs may dwindle down for awhile, but I'll post if I feel like it.

Ciao! And happy first day of NaNoWriMo and first day of November!

End of October

Close to the end of August, at least. Sorry it took FORVER for me to get this post out, but I'm getting tired of copying down my stuff from my diary and writing it on here :P I think I'll have to remember to write something in the draft of my blog posts daily so it won't be so much at the end of a week xD I have 2 other blogs, so maybe I have too many...I may not post on others every week, but I want to post on this one at least once a week.

Once Upon A Time was so good last week! At first I was concerned that it'd maybe mainly be about Hook and Emma's date, but it was certainly not! Hook getting his old hand back from Rumple to replace his hook (so he was just Captain Killeen, I guess xD) and then Rumple saying that it'd make him act like his old bad self and he did - but wait, Rumple said it was always in him and that the hand just made it more tempting for him - it was just, I don't know...I love seeing Rumple and Hook go out it again. They're going back to their old rivalry, with Hook threatening to kill Belle and Rumple doing the same (ooh! *eats popcorn like a crazy fangirl*) And Rumple wanted something that would make him free of the dagger and basically be invincible. And of course, there's Regina trying to get her happy ending back with Robin Hood. And Henry's working undercover with Rumple kinda like the Sorcerer's Apprentice xD Honestly, these story arcs are more interesting than the Frozen one. But I'm glad Frozen isn't eclipsing the other ones so far. Can't wait to see what the Snow Queen wants with Emma and Elsa this week!

I've gotten better at my writing, as all writers do! :) But reading well-written books (which is relative, of course) really helps. The Mortal Instruments was INCREDIBLY well-written. The book I'm reading right now is well-written, too, which is why I'm really enjoying it even if the story isn't as interesting to me (but it's still interesting, of course!)

Which brings me to The One, the last book in the Selection series by Kiera Cass! I think this may be the best Selection book yet. The other ones were more romance heavy than politics, which I didn't like as much, but The Elite was more about politics, AND Maxon had more personality, and now this book is delving into the politics even more! And America finally seems to be making up her mind about who she wants to be with! Yes! (I used to ship her and Aspen in the first book, but ever since Maxon got more interesting, I ship them together instead :)

Getting back to writing, though, as you know (I think), I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year! But I feel a little unprepared! :O Well, not totally...I've been working on this story a couple of years ago - mind you, it's had a LOT of reconstructions/deconstructions along the way - and I've written at least two outlines, and I'm attached to the characters (which is always good, cause I won't write the story otherwise xD), so I kind of have a direction that I can see. Like, I know what the theme is, and that's gonna drive my story - that was the main problem with my other ones. Anyway, I hooked up with some buddies from Movellas and we're buddies now on Movellas, so it's cool knowing people. Like this summer, when I did Camp NaNoWriMo, I knew a few people from Figment on there and they invited me to their "cabin", so that was cool. And what's a better motivator than friends who are as passionate as you are about a thing? :)

I'm sure there's more, but I'm really, surprisingly, tired right now :/ I know, it's only a quarter till nine, but I'm kind of exhausted...I have been trying to go to bed earlier today, so that could be part of the reason. And maybe I'm mentally drained for playing Animal Crossing like, all day xD Anyway, I hope this blog post wasn't too unexciting...I promise next week's will be. I'm just tired, y'all. Later!

What Have I Been Doing Lately...

Can I just take a moment to fangirl? It's my blog; I can post whatever I want, right? xD Yeah, let me just fangirl a moment. Because Matthew Stover's (I think I spelled his last name incorrect last time...it's not Stofer, it's Stover) novelization of Revenge of The Sith is so GREAT and is just giving me chills! I mean, I've seen the movie about 3 times, read the summary on Wikipedia and Wookieepedia, read the screenplay, read the junior novelization, but this...they are all great, of course, but Stover's writing is just blowing me away. Like J.K. Rowling mind-blowing (that's right, I went there!) Empire Strikes Back is kinda like that, too, cause I get chills while reading its junior novelization (imagine how its other novelization must be???) even though I knew exactly what was going to happen! That's a sign of a very good writer and story.

Anyway, I hope it helps with my writing skills (it definitely is, if I say so myself! I feel like I've got all of these amazing phrases that cam out of nowhere!) And I'm DYING to use my newly-aquired information from the novelization for my fanfics, but I don't know where to put 'em! I guess I'll wait until I finish reading it and then rereading it...I did something like that last time and so far it's worked...

That paragraph was getting WAY too long, so sorry about that xD Um, I didn't write down what I thought about Once Upon A Time's episode last week. Come to think of it, I had a hard time remembering what happened...But I still liked it. I do remember some of it when I think over it more...The Snow Queen (I love seeing the actress who played Juliet from Lost back on television :D) freezing Marion (but why not Robin Hood? He ate the ice-cream, too) and everyone thinking it was Elsa but it really wasn't. Ooh, and there was this epic moment where Emma used her magic against the Snow Queen...I LOVE seeing her use her magic. It's so cool! :D Anyway, at the end we saw Rumple talking to her...Seriously, he's like that one guy who knows everyone, if you know what I mean. It's actually quite hilarious xD

Anyway, I wonder what's gonna happen next week...the Frozen arc is going pretty well, so far. I mean, I don't like how they're probably gonna make the characters oneshots - I want more long-lasting characters - but we'll see. But Elsa...I don't know if it's the actress or the way the character was written for the show, but she seems obsessed with Anna, almost. My sister pointed out that she seems to love Anna even more than Kristoff does! :O And she seemed to like Kristoff, too! It's kinda weird...Maybe it's because Elsa gets WAY too emotional with people...Like seriously, freezing an entire town just because you can't find your sister? Okay, lady....Wasn't that the whole thing that got you in trouble in the first film? xD

I keep feeling like I should do NaNoWriMo this year! I already did CampNaNoWriMo, but that was 30,000 words for me - I'm pretty sure you have to do 50,000 words for NNWM, since that's about the word minimum for most novels. I don't know...I think I'll do it. Or at least try (Yoda would be saying "Do or not not. There is no try" right about now xD) I'll probably enter my Werebeasts story; even though I've had Star Wars on the brain since I started reading the Revenge of The Sith novelization, but, depending on when I finish it, I'll have time to rewrite my SW fanfics before I start on Werebeasts. We'll see! :D

I'm sure there's more to write, but I don't feel like it...right now, at least. Maybe I'll update this post later :) I just filled up my journal in one notebook, so I'll have to use another one now. I can't wait until My Little Pony comes back on. Maybe I should watch Saturday morning cartoons today. I know, this was random ;) Bye!

The "Ber" Months

September, October, November, December...you see where I'm going with this? I'm pretty sure I posted that last year, but I forgot. And I wanted to do it now. I wonder if the people naming the months got tired of giving the months different names and decided to keep the last part of the last four months the same xD Anyway...

What happened this week? I'll probably do my usual routine; talk about my TV shows first from last week (since they're earlier in the week), my writing, maybe some stuff about dancing, my current/ past obsessions....you know the drill ;)

Once Upon A Time was good this week. Not great, but good (has it only been two episodes? It feels like it's been longer). I don't know why they decided to make Bo Peep evil (like with Peter Pan) - maybe it was because it was so out there that Bo Peep would be evil - but I could have done without that storyline. But I did like how Anna was helping David/Charming. I just love the way the writers and actress are portraying the character. I actually thought I preferred Elsa, but that may just be movie Elsa (although I still do like Anna!) This Elsa seems too emotionally unstable for my liking -freezing the whole town until she can find her sister? - and I guess I just preferred her in the film (which I haven't seen, I know). But it was still a good episode. I loved how Emma and Elsa look to be starting a sistermance, and I'm liking the CaptainSwan shipping more now that Hook isn't lovey-dovey about Emma as much anymore. And Juliet from Lost is gonna be on tomorrow! I guess that's what happens when writers from one show move to another xD I so want her and Belle (Claire on Lost) to meet...

I don't really remember what happened Monday, so let's talk about my writing instead! I still feel like I'm in a bit of a dump, but at least now I've identified my problem! I can't imagine changing my old stories into fantasy, so I may just write a completely different story...I honestly don't really want to do that, though, so maybe I'll try looking out for some cool sci-fi YA novels in the genres of superheroes, mutants, dystopians, etc. Dystopians are kinda violent, so I'm not sure if I want to do them as much anymore...I mean, I loved Divergent, but it's just too violent for me. (The Mortal Instruments is, too, which is why I may be done with it now...) Perhaps I'll write a milder dystopian with little to no violence, like The Giver and Matched are. Sorry,  I'm getting a bit off-topic...

Speaking of writing and reading, I finished City of Glass today!!! It didn't exactly feel like the ending to a series; like the previous books, the plot is fairly overstuffed and complicated at times. But I juts love most of the characters - that's what makes the story so great - and Cassandra Clare is an incredible writer. She writes battle scenes like no one I've ever seen so far - I can literally picture them in my head! Anyway, I felt like the story could have had less plot points and have been more about ending a particular storyline, but I still really enjoyed it. The ending was great and pretty perfect, too, so that was good. I'm not sure I'm interested in reading the others because of what I mentioned earlier; plus, it's more about Simon than Clary. But I may. I dunno...Either way, I ended a great book series, and, while I'll certainly miss it, it was a great ride while it lasted :) And I can always read it again if I want to! :D

I actually am considering rereading the Harry Potter series again...that book is gold, pure magic. After reading about J.K. Rowling's struggles and rise to success in a sort-of biography of hers that I'm reading, it makes me appreciate the story even more. She started writing since she was very young and stuck to it, no matter what. I just love her enthusiasm and want to do the same. Those kinds of people really inspire me...

Ah, before I get off-subect even more, let me expound on what I was saying earlier: I want to reread the Harry Potter series, because - aside from it being great - I've recently begun copying samples of writing from my favorite books to see if I can come up with a similarly-unqiue phrase. Not ripping of their writing, of course, but seeing if I can sound as distinctive as they do. As I wrote in the past, I'm already doing this with the Mortal Instruments series - why not do it with "the best book series of all time!"? Bwhahaha xD I may not reread the entire thing, but bits and pieces and chapters of it. But once I read it, I may not be able to stop. That world can really suck you in...

The Agents of Shield show came on again Tuesday, and it was...okay. I know I keep saying that, and you may be wondering why I keep watching a TV series that I think is just so-so, but let me explain: I felt like this series had SO much potential! I mean, how cool would it had been to see SHIELD agents from the comics and Coulsion and Maria Hill working in SHIELD? I really wanted to see the inner workings of SHIELD, but I felt like I didn't really get to in the series. We didn't see many other agents of SHIELD during the first season, aside from Coulsion's team, which made them feel just as separate (if not more) from SHIELD than they are now :/ I just wanted this show to be must-see TV, and it's not, really. But it's okay, and some episodes are pretty good. Oh, well. I'll keep watching it, anyway, because it's entertaining enough :)

In other news, I've been Animal Crossing-obsessed...again. It's just that we've been blessed to be able to get so many games - and that was one of them! I know it can get boring sometimes, but that's most games, right? And I like having it on the Gamecube because it's my favorite Animal Crossing game so far (I haven't gotten New Leaf yet, since I don't have a 3DS, so I'll have to compare the two later), and we have more than one memories card, so we have a few AC datas xD Only four people can live in one town, and there are at least six of us playing, so of course we needed some more data. And for the rest of the memory cards...well, they're just for fun experiments with different towns xD I love Animal Crossing, man =)

I'm still debating whether or not to join one of my town's dance studios' companies - that is, if I'm accepted, of course. I think I will, not to be arrogant or anything, but it's a tap company that I'm looking at and I love tap. When you love something passionately, or just really enjoyed it, you know, you tend to excel in that thing :) Anyway, my mom pointed out that companies would be traveling, which I'm not sure I'd like too much. But there are more performance opportunities. I don't know. I definitely want to try out for it, and I may do the traveling for a little while and then stop. But hey, why not try it? I may like it :)

I feel like I have more to say, but I don't feel like writing more :P lol. I'm kinda tired, to be honest...I stayed up way too late last night playing Mario Superstar Baseball with my siblings. But it was all worth it xD Man, times like these make me miss the Gamecube - at least I'm still able to use its games :) I miss Saturday morning cartoons, too, which reminded me - I was supposed to be watching some earlier today, you know, in the morning, but I forgot to xD I suddenly had an irking to re-watch Danny Phantom...that show was pretty good. Anyway, that's it for this week! Ciao!

Late September/Early October

Once Upon A Time's season four premiere was pretty good last week! While it may have been a little too early to introduce Frozen (I've still not seen the movie yet), the storyline and plots weren't really focused on the movie - it was more about the original Oncers we've grown to care about. I love how we saw more of Rumplestilskin (who was definitely lacking in season 3, especially when the WWOW arc rolled around). Regina's storyline is probably the most interesting :) Anyway, I posted a review for it here.

Something strange happened Tuesday night...Paramore's song, "Fences", was playing in my dream (I don't actually remember much of the dream itself xD), and I feel like I kinda understand the lyrics now! How weird! Anyway, I just thought it was interesting.

Speaking of Tuesday night, I watched Agents of Shield this week. It was...okay. I think I preferred last week's episode. Actually, I wasn't really paying attention to this episode as much as I did to last week's - I was guilty playing Animal Crossing: Wild World xD I'll pay attention last time, but I hope it'll be better. It's still decent entertainment, though, so that's good.

My younger sibling may be playing basketball this year. It's at a church and they were asking for volunteers, so I was thinking about doing that. Volunteering is fun for me. I love helping people out :) Plus, I think I'd be working at the concession stand. What's better than working with food? xD

Wednesday was the first of October! I can't believe it's October already! And it's definitely getting colder. Brr!!! This year has been long, but, at the same time, it hasn't. January and the earlier months feel like they were lightyears away, yet I can't believe that it'll be 2015 in less than two months!!! You know what I mean?

I think I may have written this last week, but I'm going to try and get back into dance :) I just love performing so much and dancing in general and I'm starting to realize that I miss it. With dance, I can truly just let go of myself and everything around me. It's kind of like writing, but writing's more of a way for me to express myself whereas dance has me lose myself. And my grandma wants me to check out this dance class she's going to be at, but it's on the same day as the dance class I want to take at the studio I went to last year, so I'll have to figure all that out...

Friday was bu-sy! My brother got out of college that day because he has a brief (like one day) fall break starting from yesterday through Sunday. So it's basically a 3-day weekend for me! It would have been, at least, if so much hadn't happened yesterday xD

I don't think I've ever mentioned this a lot, but I have a big family (I just say that based on what others have said). There are 8 children, totaling to 10 people in the family. So dentist appointments with us, like yesterday, took up a lot of the day/afternoon. My older sister had an appointment for a filing first; then I had an appointment for a filing as well; then my mom had a cleaning; and then my older brother had an appointment. And everyone in the family had to come because the older ones of us all had appointments, leaving no one to watch the youngsters, so it was a VERY busy day!

My tooth was and still is sore!!! x( My sister said hers wasn't really, but I know my brother felt it because he had four filings or so!!! And my mouth had this horrible metal-ish taste or something in my mouth from all the cleaning :P I had to take some ibuprofen for it, because I like to eat, as I think you may know, and chew gum, so a slightly sore mouth was not going to get in the way of that!!! xD (Lol, I really just took it cause it hurt. And it still hurts, even though it's less painful, now...)

Anyway, enough of me and my dental pain xD Not all of it was bad! We went to the library for a little while (though I got SO many books from the book sale that I didn't check any out) and Chick-Fil-Aw was for lunch (YUM!!!) Plus, we basically had the day off, which I loved, although I spent a good deal laying down in the not-really-sleepy-but-tired state xD But I did get some reading of City of Glass in (love the Mortal Instruments series so far!) and I did write in my diary and played the games (I am on a Mario obsession ride right now xD) And we had Dominos for dinner!!! How awesome is that??? :)

BUT THE BEST PART WAS WHEN THE REVENGE OF THE SITH NOVELIZATION ARRIVED  BECAUSE IT'S JUST SO AWESOME I CAN'T EVEN!!! I'm in the middle of reading City of Glass, which is also VERY good, but I REALLY REALLY REALLY want to read the Star Wars novel!!! But I don't like stopping in the middle of the book unless there's something more interesting to read. I may just return The Summoning book I got from the library.

But I'll probably finish COG early this month, and I'd rather read the Star Wars novel when I'm not doing NaNoWriMo - if I do it, of course. The story I'm planning on entering in that is not a Star Wars fanfic, so I think that reading Star Wars whilst I'm writing about a mutant werewolf may throw off my writing xD But if I write my Star Wars fanfic the next month, maybe it'll work out better....

Sorry, I'm talking to myself xD Anyway, I just realized that before you write a story you have to do something called research! xD But I don't feel like researching  :/ Maybe I can try to make it interesting...I want my story to be realistic, in a way (how realistic is a story with humans mutated into werewolf-esque mutates?) since it is science-fiction (hence the science part), and I suppose my research doesn't have to be too in-depth. I want to do work on this, of course, but it has to be fun and enjoyable in general, because, if it isn't, I'll drop it in a hot second xD

This story has a lot of kinks to work out, too...it's a lot of work, but I really love this idea. I love werewolves and wolves, and I love this idea I have because I feel like it's pretty original and it just interest me. I saw a quote mentioning that you should write the story you want to read, and that's exactly what I'm doing with this one :D

Going back to Star Wars, I have to watch my, er, obsession with it...not only did my book come in, but Rebels came on last night, and it was good! I still have to get a feel for the characters, you know, since it's only been one episode, but it definitely piqued my interest enough. I wished they wold use characters from the EU who were originally in the Rebellion, or like some of the other minor characters mentioned in the Original Trilogy as being part of the Rebellion, but I don't mind these new kids. And they have some of the old OT characters being mentioned/seen at least in the first episode. I liked the vibe it had; I think I know what other people meant when they said that it held the vibe of the OT. I don't know why I got this feeling...perhaps I felt a disturbance in the Force xD (I've always wanted to say that!!!)

Um, that's all I can think of - for now. I'm currently writing on my blog (of course xD) while I'm watching my brother play Mario Kart Wii on freaking Rainbow Road and winning! If you play Mario Kart, you'll know that's a big deal! For those who don't, just ignore this, as I'm sure you'll probably do! Anyway, here's a preview for next week's probably blog post: I'll write about Once Upon A Time and Agents of Shield again (plus give a review for Star Wars: Rebels premiere and post it next week), talk about dance, maybe volunteer at the library, and basketball will start sometime in November, I think?, so I'll write about that not too long afterwards. See ya later!!!

Late September

My mom found this website, Zulily, that sells sweater dresses! I've been blabbing on and on (more like posting) via Pinterest about sweater dresses, and now I finally see some! Not to mention that some of them are on sale! xD Now, I've just gotta find my size...because all the ones I wanted weren't in my size. Either too big or too small. Because, you know, that's just my life! xD lol

Season 2 of Agents of Shield was a decent, good start! But I just keep waiting for it to get better, you know? (if you've seen the show of course - if not, feel free to skip this section xD) I just...like my brother was saying, the series has a good starting point with the storyline and characters, but then I feel like it doesn't go anywhere. The characters don't feel fully fleshed out yet, even though it's been a season now...I mean, if I had gotten to know Fitz's character better, I would have felt even worse for what's happening to him. The same thing with May, who was just too cold in s1 to be likable enough. Coulsion is okay, but he got preachy about SHIELD and now looks to be going into the opposite direction - acting like them (I knew this was gonna happen). Simmons I like, but there wasn't much of her in this episode (there's kinda a spoiler that I won't post on here). Skye is okay (although I do like her new confidence/training on the field), I never got to really know Triplet so he's just there, and Ward...don't even get me started on Ward. He's just so, ugh. I don't think anyone would care if he left the show. He's pretty much been made irredeemable now, though I know they'll probably try to redeem him (but how?) And the storyline was eh, but it was good enough...I mean, it's not my favorite show that I have to watch every night, but it's a good show. I just feel like it had so much potential, but whatever. I guess that's why we're all different writers :D

Lab Rats is probably the best show on air right now (well, second best show that I'm watching - there's still Sherlock ;) It's just SO good! I mean they make fun of some predictable story lines by having characters not act like that or have the story go into a different direction...it's just an unpredictable show! I saw one of the more recent episodes the other day, and it was really good! I really like what they're doing with the show. I love Douglas and how they made him good now. Perry cracks me up. The actors are great. If I stop watching Switched At Birth next year (the shows come on the same night), I'm definitely going to tune in onto Lab Rats :D

In other news, I have rekindled my relationship with Animal Crossing. More than that, actually, I've become a little obsessed with it. You see, with AC it can be really fun and addicting at one moment, but eventually it becomes boring the next. But hey, that's all video games, eh? And I love how realistic AC is. My favorite is still the GameCube version (so glad I still have the backwards-compatible Wii :D), but New Leaf looks pretty good, and I've heard good reviews for it (it was rated even HIGHER than GC, I think!) Wild World is pretty good, too, even though it's not on AC: GC's level. I didn't care for City Folk too much...there wasn't as much to do, and they got rid of being able to talk to neighbors and possibly ask for requests. But I did like some of their upgrades... I know that this is a LOT to ask for, and I don't expect it to happen, but I would just love an AC game that combined the highlights of all the AC games! xD But if not that, just have the original AC game with being able to save anywhere you want to from WW (that was such a life-saver!)

So I finished Need this week! It was pretty good. It's an interesting story, Zara is a cool (and sarcastic/funny) character, but...the story lacks suspense. I think someone on Goodreads hit the nail on the head with that one. The pixies just weren't as threatening to me as I had hoped them to be. If a villain's not really fleshed out (morally ambitious/not purely evil) or a mastermind, I like the genuinely creepy and threatening type (of course there are other types, but that just seemed to be the vibe that I got from these pixies). That's how Vader and Voldemort are. The book itself went kinda fast, too...there weren't as many descriptions as I've read in other books, and, while I don' like overlong descriptions, I felt like more were needed. But it was a good book overall. I guess that I was just so blown away with City of Ashes that I was hoping to like Need just as much. But they're just different books, which is fine, of course. I now realize that romantic fantasy isn't a favorite genre of mine.

Speaking of City of Ashes, The Mortal Instruments is my new favorite book series :D I mean, of course Harry Potter is still my favorite book series, but MI is just really awesome! I love Cassandra Clare's writing style, the fantasy world she's created, the characters are pretty awesome, and it's just overall around awesome. It's almost like Harry Potter with a teenage female in the lead instead ;) I can't wait to read City of Glass - I read a sample of it but put it on hold at the library.

I was also thinking about reading The Darkest Power Series. I like the fantasy element in it, and the protagonist, Chloe, seemed pretty likable, from the sample I read of the book. So I might put The Summoning back on hold (I had taken it off because I thought I'd be getting it at the same time I'd get City of Ashes, but it hasn't come yet :/)

In the writing realm, I think I've solved my problem! Lately, I've been lacking motivation. But it's not just in writing, it's in everything in life :/ I've actually felt this way for a few years, but I thought it would just go away...I probably should tell someone, especially since it's a symptom of depression and I don't want to go through that again.

It just feels so hard to get motivated about things as much as I did before. It's like I have to force myself to get motivated, and I know that doesn't make any sense. I mean, I should just naturally be motivated by things. Sometimes I just feel like I could go on the screens all-day with nothing to do, but then I'll get bored with that and feel like I'm not doing anything in my life but I don't feel like I have the enthusiasm to start doing something productive.

And sometimes I don't feel this way, but the opposite: sometimes I feel like I have too many things to do, and I feel like I don't have enough time to do it all! Whenever I have those "I don't feel like doing anything" days (which are becoming too common), I always think, "Why don't I just think of all the things that I wanted to do but felt like I didn't have enough time to do before now?" (confusing sentence, sorry). But then I don't feel like doing that, either! I'm just out of it lately, and the more I believe I'm out of it, the more I will be. I just don't feel like I can get out, almost like, "What's the point?" I mean, I'm trying to, but it's hard...

Anyway, getting back to my writing...whenever I solve that problem in my life, I hope I can conquer it again. I've got pins full of writing prompts that should motivate me. Plus, I have some writing books and bought a new one, as well as a biography on J.K. Rowling, that should help be motivators for me.

That takes me to the booksale, ladies and gentlemen! We went there Friday, and let me tell you - I ONLY BOUGHT 3!!! That's right, 3! Remember last year when I said I had bought too many? And in the past years I had  bough WAY too many. But now I didn't It wasn't that there weren't a lot of books there - believe me, there were - but I realize that the all great and powerful library has many books I can rent from there that I don't actually want to shelf on my own bookshelf. Like my mom said, I'm more likely to reread nonfiction than fiction, so I only got a few fiction books. But they look good! Besides the one about writing and J.K. Rowling (THE BEST AUTHOR OF ALL TIME!!! XD), I got one about money.

The last book took me to an idea that came to me awhile ago - I realized that a lot of us are scared of money - why else don't we talk about it a lot or even teach it in school? But I'm trying not to be scared of it anymore. And I am interested in it - I mean, money is important xD But I want to do it in a way that doesn't make me scared of poverty or doing things the "right" way, if that makes any sense (I'm not sure that there is a "right" way to make money; if there was, everyone would be doing it xD), and this book isn't. The author is really good, so that's part of the reason for it. And I learned that nothing in life is impossible (unless the laws of physics tell us otherwise, of course xD) -it can be challenging (I don't want to say difficult), but not impossible. That includes everything in life, including money :)

I watched Under The Dome's season finale today! It was interesting, to say the least. In a good way, but...it does get weird at times. Like Lost. But it was very engaging. Jim's basically gone crazy (sorry if those names mean nothing to you :P), and the Dome does crazy stuff. So, yeah, just regular old stuff xD Ooh, and one of my friends from dance was an extra! I saw her :D

I'm sorry I got this post done so late! I honestly didn't feel like writing it today, copying everything down from my diary up here. But I did it, didn't I? Cause I'm awesome xD LOL! But seriously...I think I might write a little on my draft of following blog posts from my diaries everyday so it won't grow to be too much. I just get so lazy sometimes, y'all xD

Before I go, I want to throw out some random facts: Once Upon A Time returns for its fourth season tomorrow (YES!), I wrote a review for Agents of Shield's season 2 premiere on this blog (which I'll probably do for OUAT, too), and candy is awesome. Goodnight!!!

I Don't Know What To Call This Blog Post

(I got this from a link via Pinterest)

Haha, is that funny? See what I did there? xD

It's been about a month since I've written inside my diary!!! Well, a little longer than that now, but still about a month. I can't believe that. I think I missed a few (maybe 2?) days of logs, but other than that, I've written in it everyday! Somedays have less entries than others, of course; others are overflowing on the pages! xD

Anyway, I'm really glad I started witting down in my diary. Writing is a way I express myself. And to write down in it everyday shows me who I was, what I was thinking, what I was feeling, and who I am now :D

Speaking of writing...I feel like I've burned out again! Didn't I post how my editing skills were par on last week??? Well, now I feel the opposite - I HAVE NO IDEAS!!!! AAH!!! I know it's normal to have writer's block every now and then, but now I feel like I keep going back and forth between having no writing ideas AT ALL, to being somewhere in the middle, to having TOO MANY IDEAS!!! Why can't I just be in the middle??? A lot of times I am, but lately I haven't been...that really has to change...

There's a contest going on at Movellas based on a book that someone got published in print after previously putting it up on Fictionpress!!! That just makes me excited because 1). the contest has an exciting prompt that helped kick my writing gears back into motion, and 2). the fact that someone got published from posting a story online gives me hope for the same thing! I'm already on Figment, Movellas, Wattpad, and Fictionpress, so that gives me 4 chances, right? And my Bookworm Love story was an editor's choice in the Figment contest I entered it in, and Alice's Wonderland actually WON a silver award on Movellas!!! So at least I have achievements :D Haha...

But I think, in all honestly, I want to get published. I realized that I don't have to start off big with novellas-in-progress (I have a gazillion of them in dire need of editing!!!) - I could publish my short stories first!!! They have flash fiction (really really short stories) in magazines sometimes (I read about it), so maybe I could do that! Flash fiction is easier to write than a novella or even a short story, so I could work on editing it MUCH quicker than a novel! Who knows? Let's see what the future has in store for me!!! :D

I wonder if, deep down, our subconscious knows more than we know. Or, maybe, we know more than we give ourselves credit for. I know, I know, completely random thought, but I couldn't help but think about it.

It still feels strange to say Robin Williams' name, especially in past tense :( I mean, I know it's been a month since he died, but it still feels odd. I can't even mention Aladdin anymore - I mean, it's not the same anymore. Does it make so much since for me to be like this? I didn't even know him.

I guess I just feel like I understood what he was going through - to an extent, of course. I doubt I was as depressed as he was, but depression is depression, and even the mildest forms can make you feel like your life is over. I know I did. But he's not in pain anymore, and that makes me happy. Rest in peace, Genie :')

THE NEW TRAILER FOR MOCKINGJAY CAME OUT MONDAY!!! It wasn't much, but who cares? I'm gonna see it anyway. This one looks darker than the past films, though. But it IS Mockingjay - the book wasn't exactly rainbows and ponies. But I HAVE to see it! I mean, not literally, but they've done SO well with Hunger Games and Catching Fire! I'm still amazed that I was enjoying the books pretty well, but the films? It's like I HAVE to watch them xD

I can't believe how far we've gotten in 2014! Well, I kinda can, especially since I say that EVERY year, but I'm just looking back on its reflection...The beginning of the year was kind of crappy for me, but I'm glad it changed around more than halfway through it :) And good things have happened, too. Like dancing at my new dance studio, meeting two actors from Under The Dome (I'll NEVER forget that day), Days of Future Past (the BEST X-Men film so far!)...overall, it has been a good year.

It would be fun to do a 2014 countdown, wouldn't it? Let's do it, people!


Best of 2014 (so far!)

Movies: Days of Future Past; The Lego Movie;  Guardians of The Galaxy; and The Winter Soldier

Television: Once Upon A Time; My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic; and Under The Dome (I don't watch a lot of TV, so sorry this list is so short :P)

Music: ARIANA GRANDE!!! (Just kidding, but she should win this year, IMO, for best music); Problem, Ariana Grande ft. Iggy Azalea; Fancy, Iggy, Azalea ft. Charli XCX; Boom Clap, Charli XCX (see what I did there? ;); Am I Wrong, Nico & Vinz; Rude, Magic (I'm currently in love with that song); Can't Remember To Forget You, Shakira ft. Rihanna; Beating Heart, Ellie Goulding; Maps, Maroon 5; Come Get It Bae, Pharrell Williams; Classic, MKTO; Chandelier, Sia (very dark but I admire Sia for speaking out about her struggles); and there are probably more.

Books: ??? (unfortunately, I haven't read many new ones - I go to the library since I'm broke xD)


And that's all I can think of! For now. But stay tuned for more in the very near future! xD

Being honest with myself is one of the best things that I've ever done. I know, another random thought, but my diary had random thoughts sporadically logged down. I can't remember what it's called, but it's something when you just write down whatever's on your mind without stopping to think about what you're writing, exactly. I think that's happened to me before, and it's also been the result of some great stories of mine ^_^

Have you ever felt crazy? I have. Lots of times. I'm sure everyone has at some point and time in their life. And I don't just mean like you're acting weird - I mean like I've lost my mind. I've felt like that a lot...Sometimes I wonder if I've ever been mentally ill or not and that just makes me feel...I have a mixed response. I would be relieved if I knew that the reason I went through some pretty horrible things was because there was something wrong with me, but I don't *actually* want something to be wrong with my brain, you know?

I should probably stop thinking about it and focus on what makes me happier and healthier. Sometimes, I feel like I don't want to. I think I must have been so used to feeling depressed that I don't know what happiness, very sincere happiness, is anymore - I mean, I do know what it is, but I haven't felt in as often as I used to, so I'm afraid of change. But I'm going to get over that. I read some quote that said something about how change doesn't hurt, but resistance to change does. So I've gotta change that (haha, change! Was it weird to have a funny moment then???...)

I did a LOT of work at the library Thursday for the booksale!!! The booksale isn't until next Friday, but, of course, someone's gotta load all of the stuff out! And there were a LOT of books that needed to be unloaded, and there are still a lot left, too! I had to open boxes and put books in boxes and seal the bottom of boxes, and at one point I accidentally cut myself with the box cutter (because I wasn't being careful)...after awhile I got mentally drained xD But they had some snacks there and some water to drink (THANK GOD FOR WATER!!!), and the ladies working with me were friendly. I love helping out with the community.

City of Ashes was REALLY good - like, almost better than City of Bones! I can't remember when I finished it, but it was sometime this week...anyway, like I said, it was really good. Jace is a frustrating  character for me, but not in a bad way - he's likable and annoying at the same time xD I kind of liked Maia, I don't know - she seemed cool, and I could totally see her with Simon ;) I wish Isabelle was in this book more, because I love her - she shows that female characters can be feminine AND strong! They don't all have to be tomboys to be "strong"! (I'm sorry, but "strong-willed females" and that equating to girliness=weak has been bugging me lately...) Anyway, Mortal Instruments is my new favorite book series to get obsessed with, since I finished Harry Potter (boo!!! Write more books, J.K. Rowling!), Divergent, Legend, and all of my other book series.

Now, I'm reading Need, a book I actually read a LONG time ago (I think last year???) but never finished. It's not that it's a bad book - it's pretty good, really - but sometimes I am getting bored with it. Not as much is happening with it as I'd like for it to. But I still enjoy it. I love the main character, Zara, because she's so sarcastic and acts like a regular teen would if she was in the midst of a weird supernatural world that she hadn't realized that she was apart of. A lot of times, the protagonists are the least interesting characters, but that's not the case with Zara. And I like her boyfriend, Nick. Overall, it's a pretty good book.

I can't really think of anything else, so I'll end the post with three random facts about me: I'm obsessed with Pinterest (as you already know), I love notebooks, and love is good. Peace!!! <3

Pinterest, Purging, & Procrastination

Sometimes, I feel like I have so many hobbies that I don't know what to do with myself! Pinterest reintroduced me to my love for fashion (Pinterest is beaming WAY too addicting...not to mention a great place to procrastinate! I mean, there're so many GREAT things to find on there!) I can't say that it's my dream job, whatever that is, anyway (I still don't know), but I REALLY enjoy putting pieces of clothing together that complement each other. And I've discovered that I have an obsession with sweater dresses (they're GORGEOUS!). And sweaters. And scarfs. And boots. And winter clothing, really, which is the only thing I really like about winter :P

But seriously...I want to find a way to combine my hobbies together. I know that my fashion is basically incorporated into my upcycling/sewing/duct-tape (jewelry, at least). I think I could use photography for my covers for my stories; the same thing goes for my art, and acting could be used to act out my characters to help get inside their heads. And dance and music just go together like macaroni and cheese. I'm figuring it out ^_^

Speaking of addicting...I've been a little (more like a lot) obsessed with the Mario sports games. We recently bought them again (the old disks were scratched, of course :P) and, well...You see, I happen to get VERY serious about Mario sports, sorta like how people get about sports with, you know, REAL people (then again, I have a thing for obsessing with the fictional...)Like, in Mario Kart Wii (which is INCREDIBLY addicting!) I had to physically calm myself down before playing it after a long time of not having it. But it was even WORSE with Mario Superstar Baseball! I was physically shaking from excitement and had to calm myself down! I'm better now, but still...And my mom gets on me about it...lol...

I'm getting writer's block (again) on my Rising Heroism screenplay *sighs* So I went to edit some of my old works (like the ones I published on Figment - they need some serious editing! Lol). I'm gonna try to get all of my already-written stories up to at least 10 drafts - I think that's pretty far in editing. Of course, I may need more than that - An Unexpected Trip, a short story that I wrote back in 2011, has had 10 drafts so far. Although I still feel like I could edit it (but when will I look at it and say, "Everything's perfect"?), I think it's far enough in its edit that it doesn't need immediate editing at this moment.

I really wish I could focus on one story at once, but I keep getting writer's block or just get bored with the story :/ But that's okay! Part of being a writer is learning what you like, how to pass the deadline, etc. I'm still figuring that out, but each time I'm getting closer and closer to where I want to be :)

But I did find something rather quickly, something that I thought happened in the past - whenever I read a really good book, my writing and editing skills are SO much better! I was wondering why I had suddenly gotten such a wild hair and was like, "I can edit! All right, let's do this!" and look on Pinterest on other writing advice and am like, "Bring it all to me!" I just feel like I can do almost anything now with my editing. It may take a long time, but taking my time with my writing makes it so much better :)

And if you're wondering about what the book that is so good that I'm reading - it's City of Ashes :) The Mortal Instruments series is SO good! It's similar to other fantasies that I've read, but it's SO well-written. I'm amazed at Cassandra Clare's great writing style (and her editor!) I have tried copy down way too many paragraphs from her story to see how she described a person or emotion or explained a scene, because it's SO well done

Lately, I've been thinking about vocal ranges. I heard that a 4-octave rang is rare and VERY good, which is why I wasn't surprised to see that both Christina Aguilera and Ariana Grande had one ;) And I saw some others, too. A 3-octave range is pretty good, too, though. Like, I think that's what Beyonce and Bruno Mars have (and they're both VERY good singers, in my opinion). It's stupid how good Christina Aguilera sounds live - it puts you to shame xD And I found some people with 6 octave ranges, or higher than four! There are some really talented people out there - but the trick is also working on your talent :)

Under The Dome was pretty good (and surreal!) this week! I don't remember everything, but, according to my diary...Jim was annoying (no surprise there), and it looks like Junior and Pauline are finally done putting up with him...for now, at least. Those Rennie/Remmies (how do you spell their last name?) need some family consoling or something. Just, geez...Joe started becoming suspicious of Hunter (even though I really like him) because he was asking so many questions about the dome, and he and Norrie discovered that he was interacting with the people outside the dome since he's working with Barbie's dad! But Hunter reassured them that he was trying to tell them not to take the egg, I think, because he saw what it was doing. He also said that he hated working for the people he was working with (don't know who they are), and I think and really hope he's telling the truth, because Hunter seems really cool...And Lyle showed up in the water, and Jim decided to be nice and get him out...Later on, Melanie sorta came out of her comatose, but then the dome started shrinking and she said, "It's happening" or something like that.

I did a LOT of cleaning Wednesday! We usually have cleaning people coming over every month or so, I believe, but Momma wanted to see if we could do it ourselves and use the money we'd usually use to pay them to buy all the new games we're getting (Animal Crossing should be next on the list!!!) So we did some of upstairs and actually haven't gotten to the rest because it's been taking up so much time (we are a family of ten, after all), but I enjoyed purging. Hehe, I get that from my mom :)

A Facebook post reminded me of 9/11 Thursday...I really don't know what to say about that day. I'm upset at what happened, but I don't remember anything. It's not like things that happened in the news that I saw the day it happened or a few days afterwards. I feel more for when things happened like with the shooting of Travon, the shooting at Sandy Hook, the shooting in the theater in Colorado, the Nigerian girls being kidnapped, James Avery's death and Robin Williams' suicide, and I know something else has happened this year, but I haven't looked at it.

Actually, I don't watch the news anymore, because it leaves me so depressed. I know bad things are happening, but all the news does is tell you what happens but they don't offer a solution to the problem. I don't want to do that to myself. If there is a problem, I want to try to solve it - otherwise, what's the point of hearing about it? Just to be afraid? Believe me, I've been there, worrying about everything every minute, and I don't want to go back. Besides, there are good things in the world. Why doesn't the news focus on that?

Sorry for that depressing bit of the blog post, but it was just something I wanted to get off of my chest. I promise the rest of the post will be happier. That reminds me of a friend of mine posting something similar to that...She's going through something right now that's affecting one of her good friends, so I'm keeping her in my prayers. I love my friend to death and wish the best for her. She seems to be handling things pretty well, which has me relieved<3

My dad bought a BUNCH of DVDs yesterday! I was thinking about watching a movie every Friday night, anyway, so I guess this helped! He got Winter Soldier (which we saw in theaters), Amazing Spider-Man 2 (I'm the only one who saw it because it was illegally leaked on Youtube xD I think I mentioned that in a post some months ago....) Cars 2 (which I still haven't seen), and Toy Story 3 (which I think everyone but the adults saw). They watched WS, and I came down to watch it for a bit, but I also wanted to play Mario Superstar Baseball/Mario Kart Wii and read City of Bones so I didn't see all of it.

Oh, and everything was in 3D - rant coming up here. My dad said he wanted to see it in 3D, but I guess I just have a problem with 3D because the movie I saw in 3D was very disappointing (it was Sharkboy And Lavagirl). Yeah I know that was back in like, 2003 or so, but I really didn't like that movie, so it stuck in my head...But in all honesty, I'm personally not that impressed with 3D. It's kinda cool how it looks real, but it's, I don't know, hard to focus on my eyes? I got a bit of a headache when I saw Avengers in 3D back in 2012 (which could have been because I read an article on it, so...)I just prefer to watch the movie in its regular formatting. But 3D has its uses. I just am glad it's not being as overused as it was back in 2010 - they kept releasing all of these older movies in 3D then.

Well, that's pretty much it. All of my blogposts will probably be about Pinterest (procrastination center 101), writing, reading, a deep, psychological thought, something funny, this section where I end my blogpost...come to think of it, why do you guys come back every week to read it? My life pretty much stays the same. In fact, everyone's life pretty much does that. We humans are so boring xD Lol, bye!!!

September Session

(Credit goes to original owner)

We got a new TV Saturday! It's HUGE!!! Seriously, I ought to take a picture of it! Imagine a movie theater screen, but smaller, obviously, but maybe like...1/3 of it's size? I really need to get a picture of it, though there may be a glare from the sun that gets in the way...Anyway, we put the Playstation there, and we're going to use it whenever we watch movies. My parents did it with X-Men: First Class - goes, I love that movie SO much! :D And they talked about getting Star Wars and rewatching it, and my Mom said that my smile couldn't have gotten any wider when she said that :) *blushes*

I finished Titanic that day, too! It was pretty good - I liked how it wasn't just about romance but also some historical fiction (some historical figures were in that movie, too!) - but gosh, it was so INTENSE!!! I knew the Titanic sinking would be intense, but...well, I always imagined for some reason that it'd just sink straight down, not flooding people with the leaking water and BREAKING IN HALF sending bodies flying to the water and making people commit suicide because there aren't enough lifeboats!!! :O As much as I enjoyed it, I don't think I ever want to see another disaster film again! Okay, that's an extreme, but still! The movie's almost ruined any boat experience I'll have again :/

I don't really remember what happened Sunday...at least, according to my diary xD I've started writing in it and then copying what I've written onto my blog, which, of course, takes a lot of work after a week's worth of logs! (Some are short while others are VERY long!) But there's something about writing down in pencil and paper (I may try pen later; it feels better on my hands) that's relaxing, or just enjoyable. Hey, that's something I logged about! Haha :)

Actually, I did have this one thought that I was debating whether or not to post on here, but what the heck, I'll do it anyway: why are we afraid of being vulnerable? I felt that way that day, and I realized that others did, too, but no one talks about it! I think that's the problem: we all struggle but no one talks about it, so we create this illusion in which we're the only ones struggling and no one else does. That leads us to keeping secrets and lying to people (saying "I'm okay" when you really feel like you're about to cry). I know this from experience, of course...It's something I'm still working on, but that realization has given me a lot to think about...I hope it will give you guys a lot to think about to. I'm always looking for ways to challenge my brain :)

Not much happened Labor Day; no one came over or anything. My sister Amber and some of my siblings and I did watch First Class (or I at least watched a part of it) on FX, and I caught parts of Avengers, another superhero movie that I love :) I don't know why I love it so much - I think it's because it's a superhero crossover on the big screen, and I just love seeing all of the superheroes in one place! I think that's the best part :)

Meemaw also came over that day! She was wearing the shirt I gave to her for her birthday :) And my parents had left but when they came back, they brought her a cookie cake! So we sang a (belated) happy birthday to her :) In the Lloyd house, we celebrate birthdays weeks or possibly even months (if it's a late gift) after the actual date, which I'm sure others do, too, but I just like saying that we Lloyds do that, cause we're a VERY special family, one way or another ;) lol

I also finished last week's (at the time) episode of Under The Dome, and, well, it was kinda weird. To be fair, the whole show has always been kinda weird and held a Lost-esque vibe, and the main reason we watched it was because my parents met two actors from the show. But it is pretty good. It's just...well, Barbie and Pauline and Lyle and that other guy who was working for Barbie's dad were escaping that weird place that took them out of the dome to the "real world" and three of them (not that other guy) had weird visions of the past.

Oh, and this week's episode (or last week's) - FYI, BEWARE OF SPOILERS ON MY BLOG AS I TEND NOT TO THINK ABOUT POSTING THEM UP HERE - Barbie is Melanie's half brother!!! I saw it coming whenever they started talking about how they remembered each other, but WOW! And technically Melanie should be MUCH older than Barbie, actually Pauline's age, but because she had to protect that freaky egg (WHY is she so obsessed with it anyway?) that got her killed and brought her back to life, she's not (yeah that's a weird sentence.)

Here ar some other things I learned from the show that day:

• Joe and Norrie have become kinda useless. No offense to them, especially SINCE I MET THE ACTORS IN PERSON, but they don't really have a purpose now other than Joe getting wifi under the dome
• The egg can scream (don't ask...)
• Pauline continually has freaky visions that get people killed
• Melaine has a weird obsession with the egg
• Junior and Melanie kissing is not creepy because physically, she is his age, but I couldn't help but think of him kissing a girl who was his mother's age...I suppose stranger things have happened...
• The dome likes sending replicas of real people (Angie this time) to people just to give them an ambiguous message
• Junior's family is MESSED. UP. Seriously, you've got Big Jim, the power-hungry megalomaniac; Pauline, the woman who gets crazy visions and had one that led her to fake her death and lie to her husband and son; Uncle Sam, who KILLED his nephew's girlfriend and wants to kill his nephew's girlfriend's brother and girlfriend because he thought it would stop the dome from coming down, and Junior, who LOCKED his girlfriend in a cellar to supposedly protect her from the dome...
• Big Jim is still a jerk. Seriously, I thought after the situation with Pauline he'd at least try to become a better person like he told Pauline that he was a supposedly "changed" man, but then he trapped his wife INSIDE of her house when the egg was screaming and was getting one of her freaky visions again. And then he held Joe at GUNPOINT when he forced him and Norrie to give the egg to Barbie's dad and the people outside of the dome and knocked the egg down - but guess what? Just like Norrie, Melanie, and I think Pauline worried, something bad happened - the egg caused this freaky thing that I can't remember to happen! Great job, Jim! *facepalm* I don't even care about him anymore :/

Haha, that was a fun list to do xD Anyway...

Manny, Imani and I played Shrek 2 on the Wii (it's backwards-compatible so that we can play old GameCube games). Talk about nostalgia! Not that you guys have played it because I'm sure some of you haven't (or maybe a lot of you), but I remember when that game was in stores! It was SO much fun and it still is! I could be blinded by nostalgia, but I don't care. I love that game and I love the memories it brings me :)

We started a new workout *cringes*. The exercises we were doing looked easier, but trust me, they weren't! And we did more reps of them! I'd like to know why pretty much EVERY workout sheet or ideas for workouts contain squats, pushups, and/or planks??? THEY. ARE. EVIL. (Lol, just kidding...they FEEL evil, but the only reason I'm doing them is to keep myself healthy.)

I might not do Lizard-Man this month...scratch that, I likely won't. I'm just getting so bored with his character - I think he feels too much like an archetype to me - so I'm doing Rising Heroism (another  superhero story) instead, because I prefer the characters. Actually, I was supposed to do a Star Wars fanfiction, but I chickened out xD I need to gain self-esteem with my writing in that and stop thinking that I'm going to "ruin" the story - I'm not! There's a quote about writing that goes "To write is to be vulnerable" (I can't remember who said it), and I'm going to keep reminding myself of that.

But I don't want to just stop Rising Heroism - now, I'm running out of ideas for the stories, but the characters - I'm just getting started, baby! I came up with a new arc for one of my protagonists that I hope will help flesh out her character and explain why she acts a certain way - I saw a great quote about developing characters and how you get to know them like how you get to know people: ask questions. The questions that help develop them, of course, shape them into who they are. And characters must react to certain situations. That's pretty much it, I believe, or could it be summed up into one rule? I know that there are no "rules" to creating characters, but I only want a few tips so that I don't have all of these to remember.

Creating characters is so difficult for me, as I sure it is for everyone, and I have a feeling that it's never something I'll just "figure out". I have gotten better, though, as every writer gets better with practice. You have to make them human. Humans have conflict and struggle and work their way to overcome the struggles. That's why we love stories so much, the ones that really strike us in the heart - we can relate.

What else happened? I didn't get much reading in this week - I haven't been to the library (though I hope to stop by it today) and I need something good to read. We have Eragon (Manny bought it), but I just can't get into it. It's meh. And I need money for my Star Wars EU books, which I hope to buy soon enough, so my next stop is the library! I think I'll probably read either The Summoning (first book in the Darkest Powers series) by Kelley Armstrong or Need by Carrie Jones (I liked the second one pretty well but I never finished it).

I might start making Friday movie night! Let's see...a few weeks ago (or a month), I watched "Mean Girls", which was REALLY good and I can't stop thinking about it - I was watching clips of it the other day on YouTube! (I think it's my new favorite movie :) haha. That Saturday, I think, I saw The Parent Trap, and I think that following Friday I watched Freaky Friday, which was also really good, and I may have taken a break. But another Friday I watched Titanic, which was pretty good but too dark for my taste, and yesterday I saw Teen Beach Movie, which was pretty good! I loved how it parodied musicals and random musical numbers and how it didn't take itself too seriously and admitted that it was cheesy. It was a cute, fun film :)

Well, I can't really think of what else happened. I didn't really log in my diary things that happened to me physically, but emotionally, I guess, but I'm not sure I'm ready to share everything on here yet. I'm sure I will eventually, or at least tell you about some of the things I thought. Have a good day, everyone! :)