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Saturday, June 28, 2014

Another tag!

First I get tagged by S.J. Bouquet on My Reviews, and now by Sarah Demens! I love this! :)

What's your name?
Fairley 
2. What color is your hair?

Dark brown
3. What color is your eyes?
Dark brown
4. How old are you?
17
5. Are you a social butterfly or a recluse?
Recluse
6. How many siblings do you have, if any?
7
7. When's your birthday?
March 26 
8. Do you have any pets?
No, but I used to 
9. Are your ears pierced?
Yep! 
10. Got religion?
I'm more spiritual than religious 
11. If you could travel to just three special places, where would it be?
The Star Wars universe, the Harry Potter universe, and Neverland
12. Do you have a bucket list?
I don't know what this means...
13. What's your idea of a great weekend?
Just relaxing
14. Fondest memory?
I don't know
15. Are you dating?
No
16. What is your idea of a great vacation?
A staycation 
17. Desired career?
Writer or librarian 
18. Favorite hobbies?
Reading, writing, dancing, more
19. Blondes, brunettes or redheads?
Redheads 
20. Favorite animals?
Do mermaids count?
21. Have you ever wanted to fly?
Yes!
22. If you could be any celebrity, who would it be?
JENNIFER LAWRENCE!!!
23. Who are your favorite fictional characters?
Too many to name! But I must mention Captain Jack Sparrow 
24. Are you a gamer?
If there’s a game I REALLY really like, like one of the Lego games, then I’ll play, but not a big gamer.
25. Favorite sport?
I’m not really a sports person, but I guess soccer. 
26. What books are your favorite?
Fantasy, adventure, sci-fi, coming of age, so many more
27. Movies?
Too many to name! Star Wars, The Hunger Games, Disney classics, superhero films
28. What television shows do you watch?
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Once Upon A Time, Switched At Birth, and Agents of Shield.
29. Boots, sneakers or flip flops?
Boots!
30. Which is better, the pool or the beach?
The beach
31. Icecream or frozen yogurt?
Frozen yogurt  I think I’m becoming lactose intolerant to ice cream
32. Coke or Pepsi?
I’m not really a soda person, but Pepsi
33. Coffee or Tea?
Tea! I hate coffee 
35. Super hero?
Spider-Man!!! 
36. Who would you nominate for president?
I don't know
37. Do you believe in martians?
I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. 
38. If you could make a movie, what would it be about?
Fantasy/adventure/sci-fi/etc
39. Favorite authors?
J.K. Rowling, Veronica Roth, Suzanne Collins, E.B. White, others
40. Who are your favorite celebrities?
Jennifer Lawrence, Emma Stone Demi Lovato, Taylor Swift, Tom Hiddleston, others
41. Name the people who have inspired you!
My parents, George Lucas, Demi Lovato, Jennifer Lawrence, Veronica Roth, J.K. Rowling, some others,
42. What time period would you travel to?
Middle Ages
43. Are you obsessed with anything?
Too many things!
44. Name your fictional crushes!
Tobias Eaton...I'm done *runs off*
45. Name your real life crushes!
No thanks!
46. Can you draw? The line?
Yup!
47. Favorite school subject?
English!!! But history’s making its way up there
48. Have any fears?
I have anxiety problems in general 
49. If you created a character based on you, what would their name be?
I don't know
50. Who are your best friends in the entire world?
Sarah Demens, Starlitnight, Bobbi Shelton, Hannah Deborah, Claire Nixon, Crystal J. Hosteler, and many Homeschool Bloggers 
51. What game consoles do you own?
X-box, Wii, Ds's 
52. How old do you want to live to?
As long as I can
53. Which movie studios do you like the best?
Disney, MCU, Lucasfilms, Lionsgate, some others, maybe.
54. What kind of house would you live in?
I don’t know.
55. Favorite soda?
A fruity one, like orange
56. Favorite beverage?
Likely #55's answer
57. Favorite meal?
Too many! But maybe a tie between Italian food and quesadillas 
58. Favorite snack?
HUMMUS!!!
59. Cake or brownies?
Brownies. I only like certain cakes.
60. If you could be any inanimate object, what would it be?
Um, maybe a doorknob?


(By the way, this doesn't count for next week's post ;) It's a little extra one, like a "bonus" post :) See you all next week!!! :D)

Reflecting On Things



I didn’t feel like anything really interesting happened this week, so I forgot to log some stuff down, but I thought of posting some of my thoughts that continue with the whole “A Very Special Post” post. Yeah, I know. Some deep stuff. But I’m in the mood, and I’ve had some insights since that moment that I’d like to share with you all :) Actually, now I've got some more stuff to write down, but I'm going to add this in, anyway! ;)

For the past week, I’ve been thinking over something Demi Lovato had written in her book about her personal struggles, Stay Strong (which is a really good book from my preview! :) I want to buy the book, but, you know, need 'money' xD Lol. Anyway...

She mentioned how she had to learn to change her perspective on life during her depression. I think that that is wonderful advice. So much of life - in fact, ALL of it - depends on our point of view. We can be extremely wealthy, poor, middle-class, popular among certain people, unpopular among others, etc., but our perception on things really affect the situation. 

For example: I was pretty mad at my mom last week (and I still am, to an extent) about something. In my head head I had thought of all of these accusations at her. It might sound like annoying teenage whining, and maybe it is, but that’s how I felt.

And there were times (though I tried to push it back) that I thought of what Demi said in the back of my mind: about how our perception on the world shapes it. I looked at the situation negatively; that I didn’t get to do something that I wanted to do, that I was feeling restricted, that I was mad at my mom for not understanding why I wanted to go out, etc.

But what if I had changed that thought? What if, instead, I had thought, “Wow, I’m so thankful that my mom suggested me volunteering at the library in the first place. I really enjoy it!” or, “I remember the time she let me go to another event at the library that I really enjoyed!” or how she had mostly gotten me out during the school semester (our summer schedule is obviously more flexible).

And then I feel guilty, but that’s good, in a way; I don’t want to take advantage of my life. I want to appreciate the things that I have. Not just on Thanksgiving, but all year round.

I must admit that negative thoughts come to me quicker than positive ones. I don’t know if that’s a teenage thing or if it’s because I’ve been depressed for so long (or maybe even have depression), but whatever it is, I’m going to change that. I used to fall victim of all my thoughts, mostly the unpleasant ones, but I’m starting to change that now. I am in control of my thoughts, no matter how it may seem.

Switched At Birth wasn’t as good this week, but I still enjoyed it. But ugh! I HATED how Bay cheated on Tank with Emmet! After all that complaining she did to Tank about Emmet & Ty cheating (or lying about cheating) on her, she cheats on Tank with EMMET, of all people??? WHAT the heck? I felt like they made her OOC because they needed a plot (kind of like Katheryn’s book thing, which I don’t think really fits in with the story). Oh, well…poor Tank.

Oh, and speaking of that—really, Matthew? Really? Okay, I got the feeling that they were making him into Emmet after all the creepy stalkerish photos. BUT YOU DO NOT BEAT THE SNOT OUT OF SOMEONE AND BULLY THEM WHEN YOU LOVE THEM!!! That makes NO sense! I mean, what kind of sick person DOES that? Matthew has some SERIOUS, and I mean SERIOUS issues…tsk…tsk.

Regina, just quit your job, please. Wes is a complete *censored* and your neighbors are jerks, throwing flipping bricks at your window!!! And stalking you! (That was REALLY creepy, especially since I was watching it at night O_O) But I’m glad Angelo’s getting involved; he’s starting to feel part of the family. And he’s learning how to sign, which is awesome :)

I don’t really care about Daphne’s storyline, to be honest. As others have said, she flips from one boy to the next. It gets really annoying. And I don’t really care about Campbell. I mean he can be sweet, but if he’s gone I won’t really care. Oh, well, at least Daphne’s tolerable again, and at least Campbell isn’t Jace *shivers*

Ooh, speaking of Monday, Mom picked up The Fault In Our Stars at the library for me!!! I just finished it yesterday, and, well, I didn't think I should write an exclamation point at the end because the book kind of just left me with a lot to think about. While it's not in my favorite genre, the book was really good. So many great quotes and insights I've gotten on - not just on cancer or death, but myself. Deep, I know :) But I did say this post was going to be kind of deep, right? :)

The next book I'm going to read (probably today) is "Mary, Bloody Mary" by Caroline Meyer in her "Young Royals" series (which are all about the Tudor family - my obsession). I'm sure they're gonna have to tone it down for the YA audience (she wasn't called 'Bloody Mary' for no reason...), but I think they're going to get the basic premise of Mary and her ruthless killings. Gosh, the Tudors are just so interesting - they're my guilty pleasure.

I also got two books on money :) I guess, since I'm getting older now and nearly an adult (I don't wanna be 18 next year!), I'm getting interested in learning about money. Plus, you know, I do want to make money. There are a dozen songs I'd like to buy, as well as some books. And these books look to take the stress out of money, which is nice! I'm also listening to an audiobook on money ("Divine Compensation" by Marianne Williamson, but I didn't get it from the library and bought it), so hopefully they'll all teach me how to make/save money without making it so stressful :)

I think I've finally narrowed down what I want to do for NaNoWriMo this year!!! My Hyper-Monkey story, the first one, "Blast To The Past". I can actually see myself editing it because I've had some ideas for revision for months now :D And I keep deciding between screenplay/novel format, but you know what? I'm gonna do both! Like, I'll have the screenplay that I hopefully (if the universe wills it) will get made into a TV show/movie (yay!), and then I'll have the novelization of it :)

If I can get the ideas, I might do Lizard-Man...I know that I need inspirations. Reading is not a problem - my goal of reading 12 books this summer is halfway done! - but I may not be reading the 'right books'. In a book I had on writing (I've got a lot of those!), it said something about researching before you write (actually, another book I had on writing said so, as well). So, I've gotta watch some more superhero films and television series for inspiration! I hope this works :)

But I also need to make the characters interesting, because I feel like they're too one-dimensional. I was getting bored with my characters -and I'm the writer! Something must be wrong there, you know? Luckily, I've had some tips and advice on this, both from my screenwriting teacher last school semester and some others. I also have that book on writing character emotions, which I feel like is really helping and getting me to think about character emotions - which will definitely make them alive. I really want more of those books with little "exercises" - they really help me get into understanding how to write a story to its full potential :)

Well, that's it for the week! Before I go, please excuse me for taking time to brag, but...I GOT NOMINATED FOR A LIEBESTER BLOG AWARD!!! Seriously, my friend, S.J. Bouquet (we've become really fast friends :) nominated me and tweeted me, and I was like, "OMG WHAT IS THIS AWARD AND I'VE BEEN NOMINATED!!!" One of the best moments of my life. Feel free to check out about it here! Bye!

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Father's Day & More


Sunday was Father's Day! I signed a card. And I guess we didn't do much...:P But my Mom did take Dad out to dinner :)

I watched “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” for free on Youtube! :O Someone actually put it on there! :D I know it’s probably illegal, but…I never saw it in theaters. And I have no money. I know that Youtube’ll take it down soon enough, but while it was up I watched it.

I hope I wasn’t influenced by other critics and reviewers, but this one wasn’t as good as the first one. It was okay. The storyline was kind of all over the place, like the first one: Peter balancing out his life between Spider-Man and being with Gwen Stacey, Peter’s parents’, Electro, Harry, Oscorp…I think they should just stick to one storyline and then add smaller plots here and there instead. But make sure they connect so they won’t be useless.

And that’s another thing—the villains. Why they weren’t overflowed like Spider-Man 3, they weren’t interesting to me. Electro is this guy who gets treated like dirt and has major self-esteem issues—he turned evil because Spider-Man saved him but didn’t remember his name. I was just like, “What the heck?” And Harry has some MAJOR emotional issues, though I get why he was mad at Peter, but still…But the actors were good, and overall it was okay. Not great, but decent.

And at least there was Peter and Gwen’s relationship. That was awesome :D I hate relationship problems, but I did get what  Gwen was saying about Peter making up his mind. It must get annoying having to go back and forth. And once he did, Gwen helped him freaking save the world with her smarts! She is still as awesome as she was in the first movie! 

***SPOILER ALERT*** How could they kill Gwen off??? Yeah, I know they did it in the comics, but not EVERYTHING in the comics stays the same (JARVIS was a butler!) And the film is all like, “Peter must be okay with being with Gwen instead of afraid for her life” and guess what? THEY KILL HER OFF!!! WHAT THE HECK??? 

I hate how they did that. You know what? I’m writing a fanfic NOT making that happen RIGHT NOW. Yep, right this instant. Because that sucks. “Oh, Peter, you have to be okay with being with Gwen, but now she’s gonna die!” They could have ended it so much happier, but they didn’t! Agh, I’m just so mad right now I can’t even asdfa… 

***END OF SPOILER***

Switched At Birth came back on Monday! I know I said that it had jumped the shark for me, but I still enjoy it, and Monday’s episode was pretty good! 

I love how they’re going to be tackling cyberbullying now, with Emmet and Matthew and Meloday. That was very interesting. But ugh! Emmet, why didn’t you tell the principal the truth? I heard that sometimes victims of bullying try to cover up for the predator because they feel threatened. I know, but…as someone else said on Twitter (speaking of which, one of my tweets got 15 retweets and 25 favorites! Not to sound arrogant but I was so excited :D), it was better to tell the truth. And then Melody got all mad and, being the fiery person she is, went all mama bear on Matthew by slamming him against the locker and nearly assaulting him! It was intense, and now she’s been suspended ;O That’s probably the most interesting storyline

The next one would have to be with Daphne and Regina’s new job. I get why her friends are angry, but seriously? Throwing a brick at her window? And Monica is really annoying - I hate how they’re doing the stereotypical spiteful Latina portrayal with her and everyone in Daphne’s old neighborhood (and it’s not "politically correct". Not every minority is in the “ghetto" acts like a jerk, and white people can be juts as mean). Stereotypes suck, man... -_- Ugh, well, I’m afraid things are gonna get intense there, too. And Wes. Man, I hate that guy’s guts. I really hope Regina doesn’t date him, because, if she does…no. I don’t wanna think about it. Nope, nope, nope…

Bay’s storyline is so-so, but oh my gosh, WHY DID YOU MAKE HER CHEAT ON TANK WITH EMMET??? THE WHOLE REASON FOR THE BEMMET BREAKUP IS BECAUSE OF CHEATING!!! Ugh! I’m glad Bay felt bad, but seriously, Bay? That just felt out-of-charcater. She complained about cheating so much to Tank, and when he finds out the truth, he’s gonna feel used. Poor Tank…I love that guy. And I love Bemmet, but this is not how I wanted them to get back together *sighs*

J and K aren’t really doing anything, especially since they got back together (I must admit, no matter how OOC that was, I loved the drama in their relationship. Guilty pleasures…)I don’t get Toby going to Iceland—it’s like someone else said: it seems like the writers don’t know what to do with him. And maybe they don’t. Oh, well…

Overall, despite the romantic drama, this episode was really good! Actually, that’s mostly because the romanced was put aside next to the important issues that I do so love that they discuss: bullying, discrimination. I’m really looking forward to next week’s episode!

I got WAY too many books from the library! One was on mental health, the other was Linger, the second book in the Wolves of Mercy Falls series, and the third was Spells, the sequel to Wings by Aprilynne Pike (don’t remember the series’ name). But Linger bored me. I know not much happened in Shiver, and I got bored sometimes, but I think having the drama with Sam being wolf/human made it more interesting. So I’m probably going to return that one, as well as the health one.

Spells, I don’t think, is as good as Wings, but it’s pretty good! I love how we’re learning more about the faerie world in it. Aprilynne Pike has such a beautiful writing style.

Speaking of books, I made a goal to read about 12 this summer! I think I can make that goal, or, if not, then 10. I already read Uglies (which was around mid-May, so I consider it summer) by Scott Westerfield, then City of Bones by Cassandra Clare, then Beware, Princess Elizabeth by Caroline Meyer (historical fiction on Queen Elizabeth I—I’m a Tudor fanatic ;) and I have a whole other list of to-reads. So that’s about four books, so I’m about 1/3 way through! Whohoo! (So if anyone has any other book recommendations, lemme know. I’m also thinking of reading 50, maybe less, books next year :D)

I need to stop procrastinating on my Star Wars fanfic, because it’s almost the end of June and I still haven’t completed it! I hate feeling insecure about the writing and thus not wanting to “ruin” the story (it might not make sense but it’s the case for me :P) And I keep getting stuck in places. At least I’m writing! (Even if it’s not the story I was supposed to be working on…)But looking at others’ fanfics really inspire me :) 

I think I wrote this before, back in May, but I’m going to turn Lizard-Man into screenplay format because I think it’ll run better. My earlier stories I always imagined as movies/television series. Plus, I don’t really like writing battle scenes and have difficulty with them (though I’m getting better! I copy down other’s examples and love challenging myself to do so!) 

I want to make sure I get it done soon, because I just want to be published SO badly, yet I keep getting stuck on my stories or procrastinate. The procrastinating I WILL figure out, though it’s difficult…it’s said that it takes about a month to make something a habit, so I’ll try timing myself whilst writing and maybe that’ll help! (It did in the past, but I stopped dong it :P)

t’s official: I joined NaNoWriMo Thursday! I’m DEFINITELY doing it in Novemeber, but I’m still deciding whether or not to do the camp in July, as I have other works-in-progress that I’m still, well, working on :P Haha, but seriously, I’m so glad I joined. I’ve been procrastinating WAY too much on my stories and need someone like NaNoWriMo to hold me accountable!

It’s official: I joined NaNoWriMo Thursday! I’m DEFINITELY doing it in Novemeber, but I’m still deciding whether or not to do the camp in July, as I have other works-in-progress that I’m still, well, working on :P Haha, but seriously, I’m so glad I joined. I’ve been procrastinating WAY too much on my stories and need someone like NaNoWriMo to hold me accountable!

Now that I’ve finished reading Spells, I’m going to read a book on Nzingha/ It’s really cool reading about a princess/queen of Africa; I feel like I could actually be Nzingha because of our similarities :D And she’s so interesting! Whenever I finish reading (hopefully I’ll be done by Sunday), I’ll review it on my blog :)

I finally finished my Star Wars fanfic! Well, I finished it as in filling in the gaps I left in the story (if that makes any sense—broken conversations, incomplete chapters, etc.) FINALLY! I think I’m ready to let it sit for awhile now, and then I’ll get ready for Camp NaNoWriMo! 

The story I’ll probably do for the camp (the summary’s already up) is Lethal Serenity (intended irony). Because I read so many dystopians, it’s about a teenage girl who lives in a post-apocalypic future in which pacifism is accomplished at all means—even if it means killing people. So, you see why it’s called “Lethal Serenity”? ;) I’m still deciding whether or not if I want to do it, because it’s going to have to be really violent to get my message across. But I still love the theme of it—I think violence and warfare is an important issue that I can tackle.

Another story that I thought of entering (though I’ve already written some of it, so I’m not sure if they want me to start from scratch or not) is “Fearless”. Based on Delirium by Laura Oliver, the novel is about a dystopian in which fear is viewed as a disease, so the government got a group of scientists to “numb” the sense—but they can’t destroy it, because fear can also equal awareness, which you need. I might change the whole disease thing, because that’s WAY too similar to Delirium. But I’m still going with the whole “ban this emotion to make people’s lives better but it really doesn’t” theme.

Finally, I was thinking of doing my zombies story (don’t know if I ever mentioned it before) for the november one, but I could do it for the camp. Either way, it’s a classic “zombies try to take over the world” story, although I like to think that I added a twist to it—they want revenge on a girl’s ancestors, so they try to kill her and her living family.

Well, that’s pretty much it for this week. Look out for my next post next week!!!

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Crafts And Summer School

Turned my brother's sweater into a dress!!!

Hey, you survived my ultra meta serious post! That's great, right? And now I'm back to being happy-go-lucky! (In all honestly, though, I'm glad I got it out. I like being humorous, but being honest with myself is great. I'll probably do it again for the next upcoming post - even in this one).

Some people came to our house to clean it Monday. It was almost spotless? :O I wish I could clean like that XD But they're coming once a week, so I won't have to do deep cleaning every week or so. Actually, I've been keeping that and my personal areas pretty clean, so it shouldn't be too bad!

Meemaw came over Wednesday and brought some scarfs for me to upcycle :) But now I have a problem - I've got too much stuff to upcycle! So either I look for ways to reuse them, or into the trash they go! And, since I hate throwing stuff away (I get it from my mother), I'll try doing the other. But I'll try giving myself at least a week to do something with it, and, if not, into the trash it goes!

Speaking of which, have I shown you some of the new stuff I made? Mom and Dad want me to sell it (but especially dad), and I'd love to make some money off of my stuff, some I'm practicing on "perfecting" it and seeing what people like. The before and after pictures make a big difference, though.

Back to my mini summer school work. My writing book, "Creating Character Emotions" (by Ann Hood), is really good! The little "exercises" I do really get me to think, "How do I express this emotion honestly?" And they give little tips and ideas on how to accomplish it. I'm so glad I got it, let alone at a steal price at the library book sale! :D

Been procrastinating on my Star Wars fanfic, but got some in this week! So that's good :D I don't know why I feel embarrassed witting it, though; it's like I love Star Wars so much that I'm self-conscious about it :P But I will overcome this! No story is ever perfect, Fairley. You're not going to "ruin" it. And it's not even canon! 

My older brother and sister went to the dentist…on Friday the 13!!! *DUMDUMDUMDUM!!!* Lol, nothing really happened…Manny has to get a filling for some cavities and my sister has one, too. And it rained that day and yesterday. I’m a little scared that I’ll need one whenever I go, too, even though I brush my teeth constantly AND floss! But, you know, it’s all good. I haven’t been to the dentist in awhile, but I did enjoy having my teeth cleaned :)

But, yeah, that’s about it. C’mon, Jason! Give us some excitement! Like that time we had a blackout (except not a blackout—I need my internet ;)

I found some awesome events coming up near my library! They’re going to have a few DIY “classes” that are free to attend—and one of them is about remaking a T-shirt, something I’ve been doing lately! :D And there’s also a film club that teaches you about making films and starring in one! I got so euphoric just thinking about it! I can’t wait!!!

Well, that's it for this week! Tune in next week for more on my crazy life! Since I have the summer off from required schoolwork (the ones I'm doing on my own don't count), I'll have more time to act crazy! Ciao!!!

Friday, June 13, 2014

A Very Special Post


Haha, I got the title from those "a very special episode" that shows used to air. Come to think of it, I don't even remember when shows had the "a very special episode". My brother made a joke about it, so...anyway, I'm rambling.

I've been debating about this for awhile, but I finally think I'm going to take time to be serious on my blog today. Part of this could be because one of my best friends posted something similarly serious. So I may have gotten some inspiration from her, as I do love Sarah Demens :)

But, even the the post had some personal information in it, it was mainly dealing with an issue of another. This post is going to be very personal. If you don't feel like reading it and am looking for something more lighthearted, then that's fine (I'll post something more lighthearted tomorrow, as regularly scheduled).

But, for those who do, I thank you for taking the time to read this.

From my past posts, I probably seem like a pretty happy person, right? Of course, every person has their ups and downs, and I can be the complainer (especially in my younger days), but I probably seemed like most people: generally happy. And a part of me was.

But I was lying to myself. A part of me, anyway. And I was lying to anyone reading this. It's one thing to lie to other people, but it's another thing to lie to yourself. You should at least be honest with yourself, right?

I mentioned vaguely how I was going through some stuff I didn't want to disclosure two weeks or so ago, but now, I'm finally ready to disclose with you. I'm a little shocked that I'm writing this myself, but I know I want to do it now.

For the past four months, I have not been in a very good state in mind. In fact, I've been feeling this way for about four years. I know that's a really long time, but it's amazing how you can lie to yourself, act like everything's okay when it's not, and fake a smile and lie to everyone around you because you just don't think that they can understand the pain you're going through. You feel alone, you don't like the way you're feeling, so you just fake it until you make it.

Faking it may be okay in some cases, but not in all. I've reached a point where I'm finally tired of this. I'm tired of lying to myself, feeling horrible. I just want it to end, and it won't unless I do something. I saw a great quote yesterday (but I don't remember the author's name): "Making a big change is scary. But you know what's scarier? Regret."

And I've been living for what seems like an eternity in my life in regret. The phrase "you only live once" (or YOLO) is one we say jokingly at times, but it's a phrase I've really been trying to apply to my life. In fact, there was one time, a few years ago, when I was 14 or 15, that I actually tried applying this to my life. I would wake up everyday and thank God for being able to see another day. I was actually grateful.

But that stopped, and, even when I said that, I was never truly happy. Not as happy as I had been when I was a kid. When I was 12, that was the last time I remember being as happy as I could be. I was myself. I wasn't too afraid of rejection, drama, pain, death...I was generally happy. Of course, I was shy around other people, as many people my age were (and still are), but, overall, I was pretty happy.

Something happened when I turned 13. I don't know if it was a coming of age thing, or if it was something that had been building up since I was young, but it came out of nowhere. I just, quite plainly, questioned my beliefs. I won't get into deep detail about it, not now, at least, but the general idea is just that: I was uncertain about my own beliefs, what my parents had taught me, what was right or wrong...everything.

And that's really scary, you know. It makes you uncertain about every little thing. Relationships. Work. School. Life. There's almost nothing more uncomfortable than just not knowing something, and that's exactly how I felt. That's how I felt for 3 years, and, even now.

But I'm working to get better. I'm going into some self "therapy", if you want to call it that. I'm trying to work to get myself back to where I was as a child. Because, honestly, this feeling of uncertainty, this stress, it's starting to ruin my life. I'm actually not enjoying life as much as I used to. And I want to change that so badly.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that with everyone. This is probably the most personal thing I've ever written in public, and I'm a little worried about everyone's reaction (if I get any at all). But I'm going to start being honest with myself, and this helps. Plus, I know others are going through what I am. It helps so much to know that you're not alone.

God bless everyone! :)

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Enter June


And oops! I forgot to post a picture of my new yarn braids last week. It'd be easier to see a photo of my locks, then my cut hair, and then my yarn braids, but I didn't take them like that (not to mention that I don't have the photo of me without locks/yarn braids). So I'll try to post them together! Let me know if you see a difference :)



The beginning of the week's been kinda hectic! Let me recount, shall I? 

So...I posted last week that we were going to another city for an aunt's birthday party that I actually wasn't invited to but my parents would be farther away so we stayed in a hotel (I know; a mouthful). Well, we made it there Saturday. Since my parents left at the party, the rest of us just hung out in the hotel...messing with the hotel...typing on phones/laptops...flipping through television channels (there's never anything to watch :P)...Yeah, I was bored. But at least I got Dominos' pizza! :D


We are at this SUPER fancy restaurant for lunch with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. Seriously, it looked like a mansion! And there was even a guy dressed up at the front to open out car doors O_O The food was delicious! I'm not a breakfast food kind of gal (it was brunch), but they had shrimp, salads, bread (yum!) and cake.

We checked out our aunt and uncle's new house, so we did get to spend some time with them there (as well as at the restaurant, of course). The house looked nice! Nothing's in there so far, and I don't know when they're moving there or not. So anyway...we stayed there for a little while before leaving off to go back home.

My aunt gave us a lot of clothes she/my cousins have outworn. Mom got first dibs, then my sister Imani, then me, then Amber, then Sage, and then sell/giveaway. A lot of the clothes fit my Mom, which sucked for me cause I wanted to wear them! :P (lol), but I did get some nice T-shirts to practice on for more upcycling projects. And having the hand-me-downs made me feel very blessed that my relatives gave those things away to me for free :3


Brad and Aj’s birthday was Monday! Brad turned 14 and Aj turned 7. We went to Jungle Rapids and had Chick-Fil-A for lunch, and Jimmy John’s for dinner, both lovely choices :) We may go to Toys-R-Us later this week, I dunno...And my grandma should be coming over sometime this week to celebrate :D

My parents' twenty-first anniversary was Tuesday! We went to watch Days of Future Past! While I'm still confused about the X-Men timeline, it was really good. And oh my gosh-Quicksilver. He. Was. Epic. And we ate at Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Yum!

I've got some more upcycling projects I've been working on :) I'll try posting them up here this week.

The week's been kind of hectic, so I used it as an excuse to lag in my writing :P But I did write something! Ha! :P I'm supposed to be doing my Star Wars fanfic, but I decided that I didn't want to spend a lot of time on editing the novel I had written back in February (and believe me, it needs a LOT of editing), so I'm probably going to go with my sort of abridged version. I still have some kinks to work out, so it may take awhile, but it will be done! :D

Speaking of books and such, I got City of Bones from the library Wednesday! I'm actually not really into the whole demon-hunting thing, but I loved the writing style because it kept me engaged and decided to read it. I already like Jace - hehe ;) I think I'll probably end up liking this one a lot, even if I don't read the rest in the series.

That's pretty much been it! I got my yarn braids taken out today so Mom can wash my hair. We're going to do other stuff with our hair, too: I just can't remember it all xD And Switched At Birth comes on in two weeks, and I'm thinking of watching it if just to see something (all of my other shows will be off till the fall-boo!) Haha, bye-bye!