I'm Officially An Adult!!!

As of Thursday, March 26, 2015, I turned 18 years old, officially making me an adult. And I should use "officially" in quotations, because there are still some things I can't do until I'm in my twenties or so...but hey, I can make those calls on commercials that say "You must be 18 or older to call!" That's awesome! xD And I have to sign some things now that I'm an adult.

You know, I'm kind of excited and nervous about being an adult. Technically I consider teens young adults since they're not kids anymore and are transitioning to adulthood, but now I'm at an age where the law considers me an adult, and, well, adults have responsibilities. I'll be graduating in May or June from high school, and I don't really know what I want to afterwards...it feels weird not being a kid anymore.

But I never want to lose that childhood innocence, the sense of wonder and curiosity with the world that comes with being a child. I want to be mature like an adult but as blissful as a child, if that makes any sense. Now that I'm finally coming out of my anxiety and depression, I'm starting to finally see that all the things I was worried or sad about are just bringing me down and I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to be as happy and stress-free as a kid for the rest of my life.

I didn't know this post was going to turn kind of deep. Truth be told, I was just going to talk about what I did for my birthday xD But hey, I'll be getting to that right now! Because I had a fun birthday, as always, but today was especially fun because, like I said earlier, I'm finally getting mentally healthy again. Between talking, reading inspirational books and taking medications, I think all of that has helped me to feel better and finally enjoy life a little more :)

So anyway, the first thing I got for my birthday was actually a birthday cake, I guess! My grandma came over earlier last week or so, sometime near my younger brother and mother's birthday. It wasn't my birthday at the time, but since so many of us are born in March and since my Meemaw wasn't sure she'd make it on my birthday (she did, though :) she had us all eat from the cookie cake. And it was delicious! Too bad I don't have a picture...we ate it all xD

What I got on my "official" birthday was a bluetooth from my mom! I mentioned how earbuds were cheaper before, I think, even with the more expensive and better kind they still didn't last very long and I got tired of having to buy more. The bluetooth did cost more but I think it's supposed to be sturdier, not to mention more portable since I don't have to deal with the cord. The volume's great on it too, which rocks because I like my music loud xD I love it.

Next, my mom and grandma took me wig shopping!!! My mom had gotten a wig for her birthday and I fell in love with it, not to mention the idea of getting a super cute wig hairstyle without the hassle of messing around with my own hair. The first one I got is in the picture above, and the one on the bottom is the second one - it's my favorite so far, though I love both of them :D

Afterwards, we went to a local seafood restaurant for dinner!!! I remember eating there awhile ago and loving the food, and gosh, it was SO good! The appetizers of hush puppies were so delicious and I ate so many that I got full on my food earlier! I ordered some shrimp because they have the best fried shrimp! And I know they aren't seafood but they had DELICIOUS french fires, but do I need to say "delicious" because all fries are good!

And after that we went to Krispy Kreme for dessert, because we were passing by it and my dad and older brother wanted some :) But it was for me, too, because I LOVE their donuts! I just was SO full from the food that I didn't eat it until later that night. But I ate it, 'cause it was Krispy Kreme donuts and they're the best donuts ever!

So that was my birthday in a nutshell. I really enjoyed it, like I said earlier :) I had a lot of fun that day and I'm still rocking my wigs - I LOVE them so much ;) I really appreciate everything my family did for me that day and all the birthday wishes I received from friends that day. Like always, it was a great birthday :D

Birthday Bash

Hey! Not much has been happening this week, to be honest. But today something special happened - my mom had some friends over for her birthday!!! It WAS going to be a surprise birthday party but not everyone could show up, so it was kind of just a hang out, but still nice since she had some really good friends over :) One of them made an AWESOME cake, the picture above. Like, I don't even want to eat it because it looks SO real, life a toy!

I know this was a really short post but I hope I'll have more next week. Until then, see you all laters!

Accepting Emotions

Sorry for about not posting last week. The past days (and weeks) since I've started working towards recovery have been a bit of a whirlwind. Having up days and down days almost back-to-back at times.

Well, now I'm here :) And today I decided to write about a topic that I've been thinking about more recently: emotions.

Emotions are complicated. Aside from how it makes us feel, sometimes we put labels on there: anger may be "bad", excitement could be "good", etc. I know I must have done this, because I have felt ashamed of my emotions at times - or, more accurately, I've been trying to control my emotions.

Really, that's only led to depression. I was reading an article on keeping a mood journal to help keep track of your emotions, but before I got to that the article mentioned depressives being afraid of feeling, which is one of the many reasons why they become depressed in the first place. I'm not sure I understand it fully, but I do think denying your emotions and pretending to feel something that you're not would make you feel at least a little depressed.

I am an emotional person. I knew this before, but I didn't want to acknowledge it, and even now I'm not exactly accepting it. I get very excited about things but also very angry or annoyed. I don't like this aspect of my personality, to be honest; even though I know it's good to accept yourself completely I'm not there yet.. I feel like I go to extremes. I guess I wonder if people will think I'm too emotional. I don't want to say "control" my emotions because I no longer believe I need to do that, but I guess I don't like getting so worked up about things. But I've always been this way.

I find that I'm really affected by the emotions of others, too - which can have downsides for me. It's nice when someone's in a happy mood, of course, but when they're feeling down - well, then I usually do, too. I'm working on this, because I don't want my emotions to be influenced by others. Of course, everyone experiences unpleasant feeling emotions at times, which is perfectly normal. I think if I focus on managing my emotional reactions and spending time with people who feed my spirit will help.

I said all of that to say this: You shouldn't try to control emotions. Emotions are just that - feelings. They don't do anything. Emotions don't make you lash out at someone when you're angry or cry when you're sad. Rather, that's your reaction to your emotions.

And that's what I want to do - manage, not control, my reactions. I want to mindfully observe my emotions and see if I can figure out why I'm feeling a certain way, then deciding how I'll react. I can b angry yet channel it out in a healthy way (i.e. exercise, writing, using humor).

'That's really what I want to do. Up until now I haven't been handling my emotions in a healthy or safe manner. I've hurt myself before. I've held in my emotions. I've snapped at people when I've just felt irritated at myself, kept my feelings secret - nothing that helps me deal with my emotions healthily. I want to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. It will make me feel better and not guilty, which I've been feeling an awful lot these days.

I guess this was kind of a serious post, so sorry about that if you were looking for humor :/ I have days where I can't tell if I'm getting better or not, and I don't know what's going to help me yet. We're still looking for places to start therapy and I may even go to a support group. I just want to get better now. To not have all these distressing thoughts of my worth or other things bothering me 24/7. I really do want to be happy.