Recovery's a funny thing. I used to imagine it as something that moved slowly, in a way, but that it only moved gradually forward. I didn't think it involved more than a few bumps in the roads, times where you felt like stepping backwards, times where you relapsed, times where felt like giving up...
By no means is recovery smooth. In the back of my mind I know I've made progress, but honestly, it just feels like I'm moving very slowly. I've had more than wanted moments or days where I feel like I've taken a giant step backwards and when I felt like giving up, and now I don't feel like I'm moving forward. It's like I am moving, but very slowly.
But I need to go at my own pace, and I shouldn't rush things. In the long run this should help. I really like the quote "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards" so I can keep that in mind. And motivational quotes I've pinned on Pinterest and just found online really help remind me of this. I think I'd might like to save a giant binder of inspirational quotes to keep in my binder to keep me moving forward and remind me that I am getting somewhere. Looking back (not ruminating, but simply observing the past) I know I'm not nearly where I was last time. I think if I just observe the past instead of regretting it should help me realize that I am getting somewhere.
I hope this post doesn't sound too depressing. I'm doing much better now, trust me. The thing I did that I thought was helping me -lying, not be honest with myself - was actually killing me inside and making things worse. I mean, I wouldn't say I'm where I want to be, and I still have days where I'm just like bleh, but at least I'm moving somewhere.
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