Monthly Posts!!!

Hey, guys! I know I haven't blogged in FOREVER, and I'm sorry. It's just that, between school and extracurriculars and binge-watching on Netflix, I don't feel up to blogging every week xD I actually have kind of turned over to Tumblr now, since it's a "mini" blog that I can blog everyday without too much time being taken up.

But not to fear! I kind of miss blogging, to be honest. I really do love Blogger's format. So what I'm going to do is blog on here monthly!!! That won't take a whole bunch of my time, yet I still get to inform you of my weeks! Yay!!!

So that's the plan for now! Obviously I'm WAY off a month, but hey, I got here before October ended! So I guess I'll see you guys sometime in November!!!

Exciting News!!!

I know I said I'd probably stop blogging here regularly, but I had a fantastic day on Tuesday therefore must tell/brag about it on here xD

First off, as I mentioned last week, English is my absolute favorite class. I love the discussions, I love my teacher, I love my classmates, I just love it. I have two friends I've made in that class (Andi and Zach), so it's always nice to see them like, twice a week. So as you can see, English is always making my Tuesdays fun :)

Now, here's what happened last week: Our teacher was looking over our introductory essays that we'll be graded on at the end of the class (not a full semester - something called a "mini" session and it ends in October) and he looked over mine and said there wasn't much to edit. So that made me so proud. I was grinning ear to ear and bragged about it on Twitter xD

I got to hang out with Andi and Zach in the cafe after class, though I was mainly hanging out with Andi since Zach had to leave for a class. We got some work done but also talked a bit as well as with some other students (and a guy named West we met another time).

So eventually Andi leaves for class and I go to do my work and such in the library, got kinda bored (I really need to give myself a break every now and then from work - I go WAY overboard) and headed back to the cafe. What was funny was that I was thinking, "Aw, I wish I saw someone I knew here!" And guess what happened? I saw an old friend from dance class (Miranda), a friend I met through Zach (Chelsea) and Rylee, another girl I used to dance with! How ironic was that?

But it gets even better - so Zach and I have a lot of mutual friends on Facebook. Two of them, Lauren and Jessi, whom I used to dance with, are good friends with him. Zach posted something the other day about doing a film and Lauren said she was interested (I assume Jessi did, too, because they're really close) and when I come back to the cafe, I see them all sitting together! I have literally not seen them since like, dance class, which was yeeeearrs ago. So we're all happy to see each other and they tell them they're making a film. I mentioned on Zach's Facebook post that I'm a bit of a writer so Jessi was asking if I could help while they brainstormed. I didn't do a whole lot of talking, mostly because I was an introvert surrounded by many extroverts xD, but I did give some input and really enjoyed myself :) That was so awesome, and I hated to leave, but I had a club meeting.

Which brings me to the club meeting. There are a LOT of people there. Like, seriously. And we have a lot going on. I think I'm going to enjoy it :D The group is NAMI on campus - NAMI is a national organization dedicated to helping people with mental health issues (they're acronym stands from National Alliance on Mental Illness). We're going to be putting up posters and whatnot for Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, which, you guessed it, happens to be this September. And a bunch of other stuff we talked about doing. So that ought to be fun :)

See why I had to brag? I had SUCH an amazing day! It's always wonderful to see familiar faces. And I saw them again Thursday. So that was really cool. I'm really enjoying my classes overall (although art is too long - it is once a week, but it's three hours!!!) So yeah, that's all I wanted to say. Goodbye, everyone!!!

College 2015

Hey, guys! Sorry I haven't posted lately. Truth be told, I just finished my first week of college Friday (whohoo!) so I'm been pretty busy. It's not terribly hard to adjust, but you do have to keep up with your assignments and such. You have to be very self-directed, knowing when to ask help when needed, which, fortunately, I've learned pretty well :) So I'm adjusting pretty well

How do I feel about college? Honestly, I love it. I love that you have more freedom over what you want to learn - granted, you have prerequisites and such to take, but it's all towards your major of study. Plus, you get electives, which I kind of have this year, and you get to choose your teacher, which time you want to go to school (from the available times they offer, of course) and such.

I'm really enjoying my discussions. I'm fully engaged in my English class, and I love my teacher.  He's like an English nerd like me, so that's cool :) My mom knows my music teacher, and he's really nice, really chill, so while I'm not into that class as much, I like it and I like the teacher :) My art teacher is really nice too; and I don't like math, but my math teacher is very helpful, which is nice.

Another thing I'm loving is the social experience. I've met so many people studying different things, similar things, etc. and even made a couple of friends on the first day of school! I guess it's because everyone wants to be there that they seem genuinely excited for school and learning. Actually, the two friends that I make have several mutual friends with me on Facebook! :D (which reminds me, I saw an old friend from dance class taking classes there, and two of my other friends from dance are taking dual enrollment! How cool is that?)

So yeah, overall I'm loving college. It's so much fun. Work, yes, but fun. It's not TOO bad as long as you keep up with your assignments and such - which your teachers definitely remind you of. Most of them (at least all of mine) just want you to succeed in their class, so why wouldn't they help you? My point is, as long as you put your mind and effort into school work, college can be great.

With that all said, I probably won't be posting here weekly, as you can see I have been doing already. I probably will post every now and then, but not as regularly. I love writing, but I don't want to feel overwhelmed. Blogging has its benefits, don't get me wrong, but I already have a diary I prefer writing in everyday, which is what I used to do for my blog, plus I have school assignments and my own writing projects on the side. So I apologize for not posting as often. I hope you don't miss me too much.

But don't worry: I won't keep you in the dark TOO much. I will fill you in on the details of my life every now and then, so it's not like you'll NEVER see me posting at all. So thanks to all the people who've been viewing my blog and (hopefully) entertained by it. I look forward talking to you all soon!

August Begins

It rained HORRIBLY Monday. Well, at first it didn't rain - it had just rained the other day, so it was wet outside - so we decided no park today (probably) and headed off to grab some breakfast. Well, guess what - IT RAINED. HARD. It's like the rain was trying to make up for the lack of rain the weathermen had predicted all of last week! So, anyway, we got inside, soaking wet, ate some breakfast, and left. I think it wasn't raining as hard that time.

Then we went to the library. I don't think it was raining too badly then. I saw an interesting-looking book based on Anastasia Romanov's life by an author who wrote a bunch of historical fictional novels on the Tudors I enjoyed, so I picked it up (it's called Anastasia And Her Sister's, by the way, in case anyone's interested, and the author's Carolyn Meyer). I also picked up ANOTHER book on a royal, but this one was fictional - Princess Ben, and I forget the author's name. But I'm reading the one on Anastasia first, since I kept hearing about the Romanov's awhile ago - or maybe I was just thinking about it and finally wanted to read about their life (or what it could have been). Plus, I hardly know anything about Russia or WW1.

We went to eat out again later, since we got a bit of a flat tire and wouldn't make it home in time for lunch. It rained again, hard again, so we had to run inside. And we ended up staying at the library again since we had to wait on the car. By now it was POURING outside. When the car was ready, we literally had to rush inside the van and quickly shut the door since it was raining so badly. And it kept stopping and coming, so we always had to be prepared just in case it decided to rain crazily again. But hey, it helped the plants grow, eh? xD

We went to eat out again later, since we got a bit of a flat tire and wouldn't make it home in time for lunch. It rained again, hard again, so we had to run inside. And we ended up staying at the library again since we had to wait on the car. By now it was POURING outside. When the car was ready, we literally had to rush inside the van and quickly shut the door since it was raining so badly. And it kept stopping and coming, so we always had to be prepared just in case it decided to rain crazily again. But hey, it helped the plants grow, eh? xD

It rained again Tuesday but it was NOTHING like yesterday. In fact, Monday made Tuesday look like a wimp xD Anyway, we went out again to pick something up at the library, and I went on my new (starting this fall!) school campus to get my student ID. And financial aid paid for my classes that day (I think it was on that day, because I called yesterday and they said they hadn't paid yet). We also went to the grocery store. And the rain made it so we could unfortunately not go to the park :/ But hey, I still got out :D

It was REALLY hot Wednesday, so we opted to head to the beach :D The waves were seriously WILD out (now I sound like a stereotypical surfer xD) But seriously, they were hard. It felt like I was getting punched by it sometimes! But it was fun :)

We spent the rest of the days visiting parks around the city. In total, we've been to about 18 :O It's so awesome :) I really am enjoying exploring all the different parks around the area. It's great for soaking in fresh air, exercising, and just plain fun!

Late July/Early August

Sorry I didn't post last week :/ I've been having so much fun exploring parks and checking out books libraries that I never took the time to really log anything down. But I'm here now, and I'll catch y'all up on everything that's been happening this week (yeah, I said y'all; my southern side is really showing xD)

We went to the park last week. A stranger had given us a $30 coupon for ice cream when we went to eat at Jimmy John's, which was so nice. My dad's birthday was Thursday! My brother found him this marine bear at Goodwill (he's a veteran)

Monday was a looooong day. Long, but good. First, we went to our tenth park this summer. It had no trail, but there were these woods for some golf disk game or something (never heard of it) and the woods were beautiful! So breathtakingly beautiful<3 It gave me inspiration for describing scenes in my stories. I have an idea now; I'll get descriptive as possible, remembering every detail about an area I've been to so I can describe it clearly (I've heard of advice like this before), and then I'll edit out the unnecessaries. With this new idea and that fantasy series in the loom, I feel like Kronk from Emperor's New Groove: "Oh, yeah, it's all coming together."

Then my two older siblings and I went to hang out with an old friend who came to visit town (she lives somewhere else now since she's in college there). I had SO much fun! We got some ice cream, went to a sandwich shop, a craft store, and then Barnes & Nobles. I realize that you, you know, actually get to talk to people when you don't go to see a 2-hour or longer movie. This was really fun; I want to do it again with another friend sometime this month or before school. Anyway, I had lots of fun, just talking and catching up on old times. I know there's a quote about how you remember the time you spent with people you care about the most, and that's so true. No matter how busy you are, make sure you make time for the ones you love, because that's what's really important in life.
Afterwards, we re-watched Guardians of The Galaxy since the younger ones didn't get to see it.

Tuesday was another long day! Let's see if I can remember everything...In no particular order, we went to the park, but there were no bathrooms or water fountain :/ But we made fun of it by racing up and down this hill.

I think we went to Walmart after that. Since a lot of the parks have like tennis courts and some had basketball ones, we went to buy that. My brother found me a Star Wars Millennium Falcon shirt that was on sale for like $5.00 (it used to be like $7 or so) so of course I had to buy it :D Also, he found some superior shirts (like Superman, Age of Ultron, etc) and a Looney Toons one that he got.

Eventually we got hungry, so we ate lunch at this restaurant (I won't give the name because it may be local) that sells DELICIOUS sandwiches and panini's. Let me tell you, the food there is SO good! I hadn't eaten it in SUCH a long time, and there's this chicken pesto panini that's to DIE for. I also went there Monday so I had it two days in a row! :D

We went to Goodwill sometime later, though I don't remember when. I wanted to swing by just to see what they had, maybe some T-shirts, and I found some! I made some jewelry with them later that day. I love how I can find perfectly nice T-shirts there for half the price at a craft store :)

I know we went to the library twice, but we did it at two different times. We went to the largest branch because a movie my parents wanted to see, Wreck It Ralph, was supposed to be there, but it must have been on hold or something because she said it wasn't there. So it's on hold now. And then later on, we went to the branch closet to us. It's smaller but the people there are really nice. Not that they're rude at the other place, but they're more talkative here (probably because it's a smaller branch). I had something on hold - Transformers, I'm pretty sure, the first one - and so did some others so we went there and got that.

Friday was my sister's birthday! We did a park again that day, but we also went out to eat for lunch and dinner. First we ate some DELICIOUS pizza and nachos at this local pizza restaurant. And then we ate dinner at this great buffet. And today my grandma got my sister a cookie cake and lemonn cake - it was SO good!

More Outings

We went to the 6th park Sunday. I actually used to go to this park when I was younger. They had a nice trail, about 1.5 miles, so we walked on it. But we took several detours, so my mom said we probably walked longer than 1.5 miles. Anyway, it was long, and I got tired. But I really enjoyed looking at all the stuff they had there. Tennis courts, volleyball court, baseball field, lots of stuff for recreational sports.

Since I didn't finish The Nine Lives of Chloe King (preferred the book), I donated it to the library and went to pick up two other books. I hoped that Four: A Collection (a companion novel in the Divergent series from Tobias "Four" Eaton's POV) would still be there, but, alas, it was gone :( But I saw Hex Hall, which I wanted to read, so I picked it up. And I saw this book called Chimed that I read was good from some reviews, so I checked it out as well. What's funny is that both of the books I checked out are about witches. But the same thing happened when, after reading Wicked Lovely (which is about faeries) I looked up the third book in a series I had previously read about faeries.

Oh, and the library has this summer reading program (I may have mentioned this before) for kids, teens, and adults. Since I'm technically still a teen, I did the teen thing. One of the ladies working there (I asked her about the program) gave me this bag full of cool coupons and such. For some you have to read, but for others you just can use it. Like I can get a free lemonade at Chick-Fil-A :D

We were going to go to the park Monday but it rained :( But we did eventually go, just later than we planned to. So before then, we went to the smallest library in our county. It's pretty small, especially compared to the biggest one we have (which is HUGE, but I'll get to that later ;) I didn't find any books there but some of my siblings did, so we checked that out.

Afterwards, we headed to the park, which marks as our 7th one. Unfortunately, the park had no trails, but the younger ones still had fun on the playground. I decided to read some of the Hex Hall book in the meantime. So that was nice, especially since I have a gazillion books I wanna read xD

Then we went downtown. One of my brother's previous community college teachers asked him a while ago if he could help her with some summer camp thingy classes she was doing, so he was going to be downtown (that's where the main campus is) to do that. And me and some of the younger ones had a coupon in the summer reading program we had from the library to get a free kid's ice cream. Hey, I may be 18, but I can suffice with a kid's treat if it's free xD It was good, too, and I didn't feel cheated out of anything. It's probably more around a serving size, anyway. Man, it was good :D

After we all did that, mind you, in pouring rain (it was awful), we went to the biggest library. Like I mentioned earlier, it was HUGE. Like, twice the size of the library I used to volunteer at, and that's the second biggest one we have! So anyway, we looked around, and I fell in love with the giant YA section. And guess what? I FOUND THE HEIR!!! It's the fourth book in The Selection series that I've been DYING to get my hands on.

Tuesday was Cow Day, where Chick-Fil-A would give a FREE meal to those dressed up like a cow from head-to-toe!!! So of course we HAD to go, scrambling to find cow costumes, mind you. We only got ears and one of those (misspelled) "Eat More Chicken" signs, but the person there gave us a WHOLE free meal!!! Plus, I had a thing from the library for a coupon for a frosted lemonade! Free food, anyone? We went again for dinner, but this time we only got the entree :/ (entrees are for those partially dressed like cows). Still, two days of Chick-Fil-A FREE food in a row? And my mom brought fries from the grocery store, so we did end up eating that :D It was SO good. Next year we will come more prepared so that we'll get the whole free meal, no matter what. But this time was great, too! There was even a person there (don't think he was an employee) dressed a a cow Darth Vader :D I got a picture with them :)

Parks And Recreation

We went to this lovely, spacious park Monday. We've been before, but that was like years ago. It's so nice to walk on, a great way for someone to get their daily exercise in. Plus there's this beautiful lake with turtles and even alligators! I took some pictures, though I'm not sure how good they are.

Then we went to the library. They have this really cool superhero event going on, as well as summer reading things for kids, teens, AND adults. And you can win cool prizes and stuff. It's so cool. Gosh, I love the library<3

Tuesday we went to another park. It was so HOT outside, like it's been the past few days, but since we got out earlier it wasn't that bad. Plus, we found some nice shade :) Since we kind of lost track of our regular workout routine (since we moved and don't have a lot of space, which I may have already mentioned, so I'm sorry for repeating myself xP), I tried to get some exercise outside. But my mom pointed out that we're getting more natural exercise in - the kind our ancestors got before we started living a more sedentary life. So I'm glad we're getting our exercise in. I really love the park and being outside :)

Later on, we went to a Goodwill in another smaller city (not too far from us, though - about an hour) - since we discovered awesome stuff there at a GREAT price, we've been stopping at the Goodwills in our city and close to it. I found an Avril Lavinge album, "Let Go", for like 49 cents!!! So of course we went to buy it and now I have it in my iTunes. One thing I prefer about buying CDs/MP3s is that you can give it to non-Apple people, since Apple's so exclusive. Not complaining too much, though - I love my Apple products :D

Then we went to Once Upon A Child (not a thrift shop, but a secondhand shop with good deals, of course :D) because my sister wanted a Barbie (actually, two of them did). And I still love Barbies, so I went in, too. I found this pretty redhead, but she came in a lot and I had to buy the whole thing for $15 - it was a good deal, but I didn't want all the others. However, one of the ladies there said they could sell the doll separately for $2.50 :D So of course I bought it and my sisters got their dolls. I was so happy; it was like the universe wanted me to have it :D hehe!

We've been traveling around the parks lately - my mom wants to visit all the parks in the city. So we went to another one Wednesday. There were some girl scouts out there doing some nature stuff. Eventually, we decided to walk a mile and and half on this trail they had. And it was LONG. But I'm happy and proud to say that I walked at least 1 mile :D I enjoyed it.

Thursday we went to another park. I wished they had more room but they did have a nice trail to walk on. And it was only half a mile, not even half of the length Wednesday, haha. They had nice bathrooms, too, like the one we went to Wednesday. My mom found out that we have 30 parks in the city! We planned to go to all of them, and so far we've been to about 5. So we're only 1/6, or 17%, done with all the parks xD But I sure look forward to it!

We went to the library afterwards. I promised myself I would NOT check out another book until I finish the one I have checked out AND the one I bought from Goodwill. Which was really hard, because there are SO many books I wanna check out! I really enjoyed Wicked Lovely so I want to read the rest in the series, I may finish another series where I read the first two books and not the other two (one of them wasn't there, as far as I could tell, but of course things change).

The book I'm reading right now is a book I tried reading before - The Girl of Fire And Thorns by Rae Carson. The reason I stopped reading it was because it got confusing, and perhaps because it was so long (about 423 pages!), but I really enjoyed it. And I am enjoying it now. It's getting SO good! I hate how they killed off one character, though - not that they haven't killed off others, but I liked this one character! (no spoilers)

After I finish with that, I plan on reading the book I got from Goodwill. It's called The Fall, and it's the first book in The Nine Lives of Chloe King series by Liz Braswell (writing under the pseudonym  of Ceila Thomson. It was the basis of the TV show of the same name that I enjoyed, though I heard the series is drastically different from the book. The premise is basically the same, though:Chloe King thinks she's a normal teenager girl - until she falls off the Coit Tower and dies. But then she's reborn, whereupon she discovers that she's a Mai, catlike species that have descended from the Egyptian goddess Bastet. She had nine lives, and is now down to eight. Which comes in handy, because there are people out there that want her dead. If the book turns out anything like the series, I think I'll like it :D

On Friday we went to the beach since we got out later and it was WAY too hot to go to the park. It was so much fun! Even at the beach it was warm, just showing how hot it really was outside xD The sand was BURNING hot, so I was greatly relieved when we reached the water :) I also collected some seashells and rocks - it was great to find them this day; a bunch washed up on the beach so I got a plenty fold. I had a lot of fun at the beach, which I always do, of course :)

So that's that! We had a lot going on this week, pretty much getting out of the house everyday. We might go to the park today, but we do have to get out early since it's going to be REALLY hot outside today, too. Or maybe we'll get to go the beach again... ;) See you later!

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth of July, everyone! My brother and I were planning on watching National Treasure today since it's a patriotic sort of film xD, but we're probably going to see Age of Ultron today, but I've been wanting to see it anyway so that's cool! I know my brother has been dying to see it.

I suppose I should write what's been going on in my week, huh? Well, we're still at my grandmother's house, but we're looking at houses and have narrowed it down to two - more like one, actually. It's a nice house, too. We didn't think we'd find one bigger than our previous house, but this one is and it's cheaper, too! We'd also be closer to our grandmother, not too far away from where I'm going to school in the fall (I think), and a dance studio I enjoyed but distance made me consider going there or not before :D

I really want to get back to my exercise :P We don't have as much space to workout, but I still want to get it in. We did go to the park the other day, though, and I got some exercise in. And it was a nice park, too. Next to the river. I really love living near the water :)

We went to Cookout (which has some delicious food!) yesterday. My brother and I wanted to go to Goodwill so we went there later on. I was looking for T-shirts there for crafts and there were TONS of them! I thought it would be cheaper to buy it at the thrift shop than at the craft store, and I was right - my mom said it was like half the price there! I bought about 3, and I also got myself a cute jean skirt :)

I checked out waaay way too many books at the library! I have FOUR novels - yes, you read that right - NOVELS. I'm glad I have plenty to read, but I may have to return some of them soon if I don't read them all in time! xD Though it usually doesn't take me THAT long to read a novel - heck, I once read one in a week! I'm slowing down from that now, but if I can renew a novel and the total time is about nine weeks, I think I have plenty of time. It doesn't take me 2 months to read a novel. Anyway, here's a picture of the books I checked out:

Right now I'm reading Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr. It's about a girl named Aislinn who's a pretty normal teenager - except for the fact that she can see faeries. And these aren't your cute little faeries - they're dangerous. Aislinn's grandmother set her rules, most importantly to not let them know that she could see them, which has worked for Aislinn in the past. But now the faeries are stalking her, and one particular one - a king - wants to make Aislinn his queen no matter the cost. It's pretty interesting -I'm almost halfway through the book already! I'm glad I picked it up first because I'm really enjoying it :)

So that's that! Not much happening right now. School's still a month (actually more than that) away, but you can start paying for classes on the 8th. I'm probably going to get my student ID taken then, too. I'm so excited for college :D And moving. See you guys later!

So much stuff!

Between the midst of moving, I missed a week or so of blogging. So I'm sorry :P But I'm here now, so I'll be a-posting! Here's what happened last week and this week:

I had a LOOONNG day on the 16th...it was student orientation which took a few hours, then I went with advisors to help register for classes. It turned out that they changed some things so I had to reschedule...and it also turned out that I was given someone else's information for classes that person needed to take!

I took the accuplacer again and did better, so now I only have 1 developmental course for both English and Math! Yay! :D Also, I talked to one of the advisors and told her what happened, so I should be good to go on my classes.

I had a blast touring the college Friday. It was so much fun. I had no idea college campuses were so huge. I wish they'd put everything in one building! xD But it's great for exercise, especially if you stay on campus for long...which I like :)

And of course...we finally moved! We only had like, a week, but we did it. As of June 20th, our current residence is...unknown :P We're staying at my grandma's house for a while, but after that I have no idea where we'll be going.

Oh, and I'm sure you've probably heard that the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage legal in all 50 states. My friend group was divided in, paraphrasing what an eCard said so wonderfully, "a fight between the confederates and skittles" xD But seriously, there are like, rainbows everywhere. And I like rainbows :D Hehe, anyway, I'm glad they did it. I'm not gay myself, but I believe everyone deserves equal rights. I don't know why there was so much opposition to what other people are doing when it doesn't involve you...okay, that's a whole other rant. Point is, I'm happy that we finally have marriage equality :)

Sorry I forgot to post yesterday :p I kind of forgot too xD I'm still getting used to my new residency. I haven't even been here for like, a few weeks, I don't know. My mom says it's only been exactly 1 week, so yeah. But it's a new experience, new adventure, certainly. I'm not sure where we're moving, but I want to enjoy myself wherever I am :)

Officially Moving! (And School)

I got an acceptance letter to the community college!!! :D I actually didn't know you couldn't get accepted, unlike universities - I thought they accepted everyone xD But hey, I got in - I'm so glad. I'm really happy :D

So I get to go to college in the fall! I am SO excited. The orientation day I decided to choose is next Tuesday, so I'll be going soon. I really wanted to go on their north campus, because it's really nice, but it ended up working out that most my classes that I needed to take/the time that was best for me was on the downtown campus. But that's fine. I went to north campus to take the accuplacer, so I've been before. And I think I'll probably get to go next year :)

Remember when I talked about moving a while ago, on how I didn't know if we were moving or not? Well, it turns out that the move's officially on! We're moving on the 20th (yeah, I know, so soon) so we're going through stuff and starting to pack. Honestly, I think this is the quickest move we've ever had. Like before, we usually had extra time to prep. But it's kind of fun, you know? (if not a bit hectic)

I know this post is shorter, but I can't think of much. We're also in the midst of the move, of course, but I know I probably will be able to write more whenever we're done. Because I'll have this big, really quick move to discuss! Yay!!!

Pre-Summertime

We had a bit of an adventure Saturday! It's been a water-filled week...I'm not sure how that sounds, but it'll make sense later on xD First we had our last workout for the week. It rained when we were about done, so we went to cool off in the rain. It was so awesome. Rain is so beautiful❤️

Next we went by downtown. We live on the river so we started walking down. It was so cool seeing so many places :) There was a tour guide showing tourists around, since it's around summertime and that's when tourists really come around here. It made me think that job was cool :)

We went by to get some sweets at this one shop. I got coconut cake and it was delicious! One of my new favorite cakes now ;)

Afterwards, we started walking back and stopped by a comic book shop. My brother went in and I wasn't planning on going in until I saw Star Wars comics. I'm not a comic book reader, but it's Star Wars - I had to at least check it out ;) And my brother showed me a Star Wars mug that just had me grinning like the Cheshire Cat. It was expensive ($16 something) but I loved it so much. So after much deliberation, I finally bought it. And I'm in love with it now. 

Sunday we went to the beach!!! Which was great because it was HOT outside. It did take us forever to get there, though, because tourist take up our beach space XD but we eventually got there, which counts :) We collected some cool seashells and rocks. I hope I'll be able to poke holes in some of them to make some jewelry :)

Brad and Aj's birthdays were Tuesday! I wonder what it would be like if I had a sibling born on the same day I was. I guess twins are used to it :) Anyway, we went to Toys R Us and they got some things there. Then we went to Golden Corral for dinner. Yum :)

I found it earlier this week that I won the What Makes You Happy Contest on Movellas!!! I'm so happy!!! (no pun intended). I can't believe I won :D But I realize that NO One actually thinks they're going to win - at least, probably most people, even if they've one several contests in a row. Because the chances of winning are pretty slim. This has been the second contest I've won on Movellas :) It would be nice to win something on Figment - I did get an Editor's Choice on one of my stories, so who knows? Maybe I'll eventually win one day :)

Friday was National Donut Day, and Krispey Kreme celebrated by giving one free donut per customer :) So we went there and braved a looong line, but it was totally worth it. What a great way to celebrate NDD, huh? :)

I've been signing up for classes for the fall semester at college, looking for financial aid, stuff like that...no one told you that there's a LOT of paperwork and stuff to fill out when signing up for college xD So far I've found four classes that could work out. Two of them are developmental courses so they won't count, but I'm going to try to get through them well enough that I won't have to take too many next semester. They changed the courses from when Manny took classes, so now I have to take a music or art class. I'm doing music because it works out better with my schedule - it's a jazz class, actually, and I took the instructor because my parents knows the guy :)

It's been a pretty awesome/exciting week. I think being to the beach had really put me in a good mood :) There's just something about being there that makes me happy. But I guess most people feel that way, cause it's always packed during the summers! xD

Ciao!

School And Work

Hey, guys! You know how lately I said I haven't had much to write? Well, that's about to change today! I actually had a fairly busy week, which is awesome. I know one of the sucky things about depression is that you don't feel like doing anything, but lately I've been feeling better so I've been getting more involved in things I want to do. Yay! :)

So during this week, I signed up to take the accuplacer at the local community college. I had some things they needed to identify me (birth certificate and social security number) except a picture ID. I don't have my driver's license or anything like that yet so it took us awhile to figure out what the heck we were supposed to do xD

First, we tried to go to the bank, because my mom said they did IDs. But the got rid of the cameras, so of course we couldn't do that. And I had scheduled to take the test only TWO days when I had signed up, so we didn't have a lot of time.

Then we found out the DMV could do it, but we needed proof of my residency, which I didn't have, but we just had to pay 2 extra bucks to do it. So I went down there and the people there were really nice. I also found out that I could register to vote and donate my organs, so I did that :) And I like the way they measure height SO much better than at the doctor's office! I was only 5'7 and a half at the doctor's office: here I was just under 5'10, which sounds MUCH more like my height. The guy I was talking to measured me because he didn't think I was that short, so yeah. I had a nice experience there :) And of course I got my picture taken. I made sure to look fancied up for it xD

But they will send me my ID in the mail, which was unfortunate because I needed it VERY soon, of course. But I forgot to mention my mom that a school ID would work - I swear, I thought it only applied to public schoolers :P So anyway, she printed an ID for me and had it laminated? I think that's what it's called.

So yeah, then I got to take the test Thursday! It was really long (about 3 hours) but I understood a good portion of it. The proctor there was very nice and helpful. What's so cool about college was that I finished a little earlier than the allotted time (which was about four and a half hours) so I could leave. Man, I love college xD

I got my results in, and I passed some, but I'll have to take a developmental course because I missed some things on English and only TWO things in math! I'm so happy. Math isn't my favorite subject and it's challenging, but I did a little studying beforehand, which I'm sure helped :) But my mom said I could take the test again (only twice in one year) so I can see if I won't have to take the developmental courses. So I'll take it again next week, but this time I'm studying for both math AND English. I prefer English but it's so subjective, which made it harder. Math is just straightforward - either you have a right problem or a wrong one. But it works out, because even if I have to take the English developmental courses that don't count, I'll enjoy it more than I would math :)

So that concludes the school portion! As for the work part, well, I have some big news...I applied for a job at Red Robin for this summer!!! :) I searched through this website to find places in my area, and the job of a hostess was available there. I love Red Robin's food so I thought I wouldn't mind working there. I don't know if they're going to email me or call me or not but I'm still waiting for a response (though I did just send it out Thursday, so I don't expect any response RIGHT away)

And that's what's been happening this week! It's been pretty fun, though hectic. I was exhausted Thursday, between applying for a job and taking a test. But it was worth it. I had a lot of fun. Being an adult isn't so scary. I mean, you get to do cool things like this :)

See you guys later!

Summer's Almost Here!

Which means more tourists, cause we're a tourist town xD Seriously, though, we hope to go to the beach this year...we didn't get to go last year :/ But hopefully, if we get there early enough, we'll go before it gets too crowded.

I know I just kind of jumped into things, sorry about that. Anyway...

So I think I already posted that we're not moving as soon as I thought. Well, I don't think I mentioned that we may not be moving at all. I don't know, so we've kind of just gotta go with the flow, you know? Like with anything in life :) We have been decluttering and stuff, but otherwise we haven't gotten any packing down.

Otherwise, I've been busy (lol, not really) playing video games and watching TV and using the internet and stuff. I do want to get some, you know, work done, and I do (cleaning up never takes a break, and of course there's that whole decluttering thing we're doing). But I have a LOT of free time now, since I don't have school.

Although I did want to try to get into the local community college this year, but I hope it's not too late...there's only 2 days (so far) listed on the website of days to take the accuplacer. And since things are kind of hectic now, we were going to wait until June to do it. And I have to register/make an account, and I may have to apply for financial aid...So yeah, a lot of work goes into just the getting into college part xD

Speaking of college, my brother's going to UNCW this fall!!! So we'll both be in school then (I hope :) Apparently though there's a LOT of work that goes into applying for financial aid...I hope at the community college I'm going to it won't be THAT much work. Actually, it might be - if you're going to borrow someone's money, you'd better have a good explanation for it xD

Haha, well, that's it for today! I'm really excited for summer. I can practically see myself on the beach right now, enjoying the view, the smell of salt water, the water on my feet...I just can't wait!!! :D

Graduation and Moving

My brother graduated from community college Wednesday! He has his Associates Degree now and I know he's going for his Bachelors and I'm pretty sure he's going for his Masters afterwards. My mom said that the ceremonies aren't all that interesting, and it wasn't, but there was a speech near the end a lady gave that was really good.

And afterwards was the best part - FOOD!!! The graduates, friends, and family all got free food. And it was DELICIOUS!!! There were chicken wings, fruit, brownies for dessert, and blondies - my gosh, they're even tastier than brownies! It was a really delicious meal and it was free, and we didn't have to cook, so that day we had a free dinner! :D

And with moving we've haven't had school, so I've basically graduated this year, too! High school's over -now time for more school xD I know I don't need to have more school, but I like learning. And I want to get a higher education. Plus, I kind of like the idea of college. Some of the classes seem really cool - granted, I'd have to take them after I pass general courses, but I like having my options open to cool new classes :)

But guess what? We're NOT moving this week. It's more like next week or so, though. So we're still moving - just later than usual. Which is fine for me, because I think we're moving pretty fast, anyway. We're going to continue going through things and getting rid of things, since we don't want a lot to pack when we move (even if we don't move everything ourselves).

To be honest, though, I don't know where we're going to live afterwards. And I don't think my parents know, either. Like, I think we're going to stay in my grandma's house for awhile, but after that I don't know where we're going. It's probably going to be smaller than where we currently live, but that's okay. We don't use all the rooms we have here, anyway.

So that's about it this week! I was afraid I wouldn't have anything to write, but between moving and graduation I realized that things did happen this week. So cool! :) And I'm still looking forward to doing a summer job this year - we're a big tourist attraction during the summer so they'll be plenty of places hiring :D See y'all next week!!!

May Days

Monday was Star Wars Day!!! (aka, May the Fourth ;) We did some cool things for Star Wars - my mom made Star Wars-themed snacks, like Tie Fighter cheese and crackers, Princess Leia donuts/cookies, and popsicle lightsabers. I also caught Disney playing some episodes of The Yoda Chronicles and Rebels on Disney XD. Finally, I posted a Star Wars fanfiction (my first one!!!) on Fanfiction.net parodying Empire Strikes Back.

And guess what? We're moving AGAIN!!! From when I was born, we've moved 10 times! I feel like our family moves a lot. My brother found that the average American moves every 5 years, so yeah, we move a LOT. Which is fine, I just thought it was kind of funny so xD

I'm going to leave this blog post at this. I may update it later, but we're under a tropical storm warning  (I think it's a warning? Maybe not) and I want to get this post out now in case it happens, cause of course I'd lose my internet connection :P What's weird is that there's a tropical storm in MAY, of all seasons! Ah, well, life's funny like that.

See you all next week!!!

Coming Up Next...

So it's May already!!! For things going on so far:

-May the Fourth is Monday, aka Star Wars Day :) They're going to have special things and sales going on for SW games and stuff. And, well, I may watch the Episode VII trailer like 1,000 times xD I think it'd be cool to maybe watch one of the Star Wars movies, specifically Revenge of The Sith since it came out ten years ago. But we don't have the disk :( Maybe I'll watch clips on Youtube or something

-I'll be graduating in at least a month! I'm hoping to graduate before June, so late May, really. And my brother's graduating next week :)

-This is the next-to-last episode in season 4 of Once Upon A Time will air tomorrow

Sorry I don't have much to add, but that's something, huh? I'm getting back on track on writing (yes!!!)  and am writing a novella this month. It's about zombies invading a city and three teenagers stopping them. I know that's not too in-depth but I really like the story idea. I created it when I was 12, so it's a story I've been holding onto for awhile. And now I finally get to writing it! I feel that it's sometimes easier to start writing projects from old story ideas I've had because, you know, it's easier :)

Anyway, that's about it. See you guys next week!!!

Spring Stuff

I don't feel like I have a lot to write today, but I want to write something because I missed yesterday (sorry about that :P) I honestly feel like I haven't been doing much...that story (fanfiction) I mentioned I was avoiding I'm finally looking at again! So yay!!! I love the quote that goes along the lines of "You have to write the story that wants to be written." And this one wants to be written :)

Um, I'm going to be graduating soon, so that's exciting! What's funny is that my older brother will also be graduating from community college, so we're both graduating this year :D I was thinking I could borrow his graduation gown (he got it yesterday) and were it whenever I graduate xD

Oh, and if you haven't heard, the AWESOME trailer for the new Star Wars movie came out a little over a week ago. I spammed my Tumblr and Facebook and Twitter and pretty much every other social media platform I'm on with it xD Seriously, though, it's SOOO good. I loved it. Makes me so excited for the movie. Too bad I have to wait until December :P

Well, at least I'll have Age of Ultron to watch in the meantime :) I'm pretty sure it's coming out next Friday. I heard it's going to be darker, so I just hope it doesn't get too dark. Like, I've enjoyed mature/ dark movies in the past but sometimes it seems like it's just unnecessary, if that makes sense. But anyway, I could be totally wrong, and I know we're going to see it anyway because my brother's obsessed with it xD Lol, I want to watch it too, though, just his excitement is about the same level as my excitement for the new Star Wars movie :D

I've been getting into coloring. It was something I kind of did on and off but now I'm doing it more regularly. I mentioned before when I was depressed that I lost interest in things, but now I'm more willing to try things and I'm kind of "making" myself try new things to see what interests me. And I really love coloring. I just love the colors; it brings the drawing to life. It's very fulfilling for me :)

Something similar to coloring that I've been doing is drawing. I used to do it a lot as a kid. I feel like I get more of a joy out of coloring but I still like it -especially when I draw a picture and then color it ;) I read some interesting studies saying that doodling actually helps you pay attention in class, so it's something I've been trying when I listen to my lectures. It's pretty relaxing and I love to just let loose and draw whatever the heck I want. I guess doodling's like freewriting - you just draw/write, not caring if it makes sense or is "good" or "bad". Anyway, it's not hindering my ability to study, not totally, anyone, so I'm going to keep doing it :)

Dancing is something I've gotten back into recently. I think part of the reason I didn't enjoy it as much is because it made me feel good but my depression was like "You can't enjoy anything because you don't deserve to be happy." Like, no. I'm going to start ignoring that voice. I'm already talking back to them. Getting back on the subject of dance, I've been looking at tutorials on how to do certain dance moves that people did in music videos and such. It's really fun. I don't know what style of dancing it is but I like it. I think I just like to be challenged, too, so I need new stuff to get back to now and again. Hopefully when things settle (we have a lot going on right now) I can get back int dance class if I want to.

Whoa, that did turn out longer than I thought! Cool! Anyway, so that's been what's been happening lately. I'm really looking forward to college and I think a part of me just wants to be done with high school to get to it. But I want to enjoy my last high school years. Moments go by so fast and I want to enjoy it so I won't wished I had :) See you next week (hopefully!!!)

Last Day!

This is the last day of the spring break! It feels like it went by kind of fast but at the same time slow, if that makes any sense at all xD I didn't do a whole lot. I had more time for my hobbies, of course, so I did that.

I've been reading a book my Mom got me from the library on helping writers, well, write. And something written in one of the chapters struck me. The author was saying that someone who felt like they had too little ideas, or writer's block (I think) may have actually had so many ideas that they didn't know what to write down.

I wonder if that's happening with me. For months I've felt blocked, yet sometimes these ideas have popped up every now and then. I did think I was running out of ideas, and maybe I am, but at the same time I remember kind of bouncing from one story idea to the next, never writing anything down.

I also think I've been avoiding writing this fanfiction because it's so close to home with me, probably one of the most personal things I've ever written, and it makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It's because the main character has gone through similar mental anguish as I have, so I can really relate. And though I've tried to be open about my mental health issues, it's still not 100% comfortable talking about it, you know? I don't know if it ever will be. I've seen videos of people talking about their mental illnesses and a common comment was that they felt uncomfortable saying something so personal, which I know would make anyone feel vulnerable.

But maybe that's why I feel like I have to write the story. It's helping me, in a way, I believe. When I was really depressed last year it felt therapeutic writing the story. I was having a character help another get through their issues and I guess that was like a cry for help for me when I desperately wanted to speak to someone but didn't know what to say. It actually amazes me how close to home this story is. But I can tell that it will make it all the more authentic.

Anyway, I just wanted to get that out because I honestly didn't do much this week (save for staying in the house - does anyone even say "save for" anyone or is that archaic? xD) But yeah, that's what I've been up to lately. Sorry for not posting yesterday. I was under a lot of mental stress but I'm starting to relax now :) I'm really glad I'm starting to get better and actually enjoy things, because that's the main thing depression has taken away from me and I'm finally starting to get my life back together :) Have a great day and the rest of the week, everyone!

Spring Break 2015

Since my brother's off from college (and since homeschoolers can adjust their schedules ;). I'm on spring break now!!! And I don't know what to do xD I know I won't be doing schoolwork, but I highly doubt I'll be doing NOTHING. My older siblings and I are doing some business work with my dad, and with our mom we're doing some spring cleaning (though we got a lot of it done last week). And of course now I have more time to write (and blog!) and do other things in my free time!

Sorry, this post isn't going to be very long. I might wrap it up now...I just don't feel like I have as much to say. I hope once I get back into things I will, because I enjoy blogging. But I'm glad I wrore something :D I think part of the problem is that I'm doing so much writing (regularly in my diary for several months, schoolwork, my stories, etc.) that I don't always feel like writing on my blog post. But maybe during this break I'll have more to say since I'll be off.

See you all later!

I'm Officially An Adult!!!

As of Thursday, March 26, 2015, I turned 18 years old, officially making me an adult. And I should use "officially" in quotations, because there are still some things I can't do until I'm in my twenties or so...but hey, I can make those calls on commercials that say "You must be 18 or older to call!" That's awesome! xD And I have to sign some things now that I'm an adult.

You know, I'm kind of excited and nervous about being an adult. Technically I consider teens young adults since they're not kids anymore and are transitioning to adulthood, but now I'm at an age where the law considers me an adult, and, well, adults have responsibilities. I'll be graduating in May or June from high school, and I don't really know what I want to afterwards...it feels weird not being a kid anymore.

But I never want to lose that childhood innocence, the sense of wonder and curiosity with the world that comes with being a child. I want to be mature like an adult but as blissful as a child, if that makes any sense. Now that I'm finally coming out of my anxiety and depression, I'm starting to finally see that all the things I was worried or sad about are just bringing me down and I don't want to live like that anymore. I want to be as happy and stress-free as a kid for the rest of my life.

I didn't know this post was going to turn kind of deep. Truth be told, I was just going to talk about what I did for my birthday xD But hey, I'll be getting to that right now! Because I had a fun birthday, as always, but today was especially fun because, like I said earlier, I'm finally getting mentally healthy again. Between talking, reading inspirational books and taking medications, I think all of that has helped me to feel better and finally enjoy life a little more :)

So anyway, the first thing I got for my birthday was actually a birthday cake, I guess! My grandma came over earlier last week or so, sometime near my younger brother and mother's birthday. It wasn't my birthday at the time, but since so many of us are born in March and since my Meemaw wasn't sure she'd make it on my birthday (she did, though :) she had us all eat from the cookie cake. And it was delicious! Too bad I don't have a picture...we ate it all xD

What I got on my "official" birthday was a bluetooth from my mom! I mentioned how earbuds were cheaper before, I think, even with the more expensive and better kind they still didn't last very long and I got tired of having to buy more. The bluetooth did cost more but I think it's supposed to be sturdier, not to mention more portable since I don't have to deal with the cord. The volume's great on it too, which rocks because I like my music loud xD I love it.

Next, my mom and grandma took me wig shopping!!! My mom had gotten a wig for her birthday and I fell in love with it, not to mention the idea of getting a super cute wig hairstyle without the hassle of messing around with my own hair. The first one I got is in the picture above, and the one on the bottom is the second one - it's my favorite so far, though I love both of them :D

Afterwards, we went to a local seafood restaurant for dinner!!! I remember eating there awhile ago and loving the food, and gosh, it was SO good! The appetizers of hush puppies were so delicious and I ate so many that I got full on my food earlier! I ordered some shrimp because they have the best fried shrimp! And I know they aren't seafood but they had DELICIOUS french fires, but do I need to say "delicious" because all fries are good!

And after that we went to Krispy Kreme for dessert, because we were passing by it and my dad and older brother wanted some :) But it was for me, too, because I LOVE their donuts! I just was SO full from the food that I didn't eat it until later that night. But I ate it, 'cause it was Krispy Kreme donuts and they're the best donuts ever!

So that was my birthday in a nutshell. I really enjoyed it, like I said earlier :) I had a lot of fun that day and I'm still rocking my wigs - I LOVE them so much ;) I really appreciate everything my family did for me that day and all the birthday wishes I received from friends that day. Like always, it was a great birthday :D

Birthday Bash

Hey! Not much has been happening this week, to be honest. But today something special happened - my mom had some friends over for her birthday!!! It WAS going to be a surprise birthday party but not everyone could show up, so it was kind of just a hang out, but still nice since she had some really good friends over :) One of them made an AWESOME cake, the picture above. Like, I don't even want to eat it because it looks SO real, life a toy!

I know this was a really short post but I hope I'll have more next week. Until then, see you all laters!

Accepting Emotions

Sorry for about not posting last week. The past days (and weeks) since I've started working towards recovery have been a bit of a whirlwind. Having up days and down days almost back-to-back at times.

Well, now I'm here :) And today I decided to write about a topic that I've been thinking about more recently: emotions.

Emotions are complicated. Aside from how it makes us feel, sometimes we put labels on there: anger may be "bad", excitement could be "good", etc. I know I must have done this, because I have felt ashamed of my emotions at times - or, more accurately, I've been trying to control my emotions.

Really, that's only led to depression. I was reading an article on keeping a mood journal to help keep track of your emotions, but before I got to that the article mentioned depressives being afraid of feeling, which is one of the many reasons why they become depressed in the first place. I'm not sure I understand it fully, but I do think denying your emotions and pretending to feel something that you're not would make you feel at least a little depressed.

I am an emotional person. I knew this before, but I didn't want to acknowledge it, and even now I'm not exactly accepting it. I get very excited about things but also very angry or annoyed. I don't like this aspect of my personality, to be honest; even though I know it's good to accept yourself completely I'm not there yet.. I feel like I go to extremes. I guess I wonder if people will think I'm too emotional. I don't want to say "control" my emotions because I no longer believe I need to do that, but I guess I don't like getting so worked up about things. But I've always been this way.

I find that I'm really affected by the emotions of others, too - which can have downsides for me. It's nice when someone's in a happy mood, of course, but when they're feeling down - well, then I usually do, too. I'm working on this, because I don't want my emotions to be influenced by others. Of course, everyone experiences unpleasant feeling emotions at times, which is perfectly normal. I think if I focus on managing my emotional reactions and spending time with people who feed my spirit will help.

I said all of that to say this: You shouldn't try to control emotions. Emotions are just that - feelings. They don't do anything. Emotions don't make you lash out at someone when you're angry or cry when you're sad. Rather, that's your reaction to your emotions.

And that's what I want to do - manage, not control, my reactions. I want to mindfully observe my emotions and see if I can figure out why I'm feeling a certain way, then deciding how I'll react. I can b angry yet channel it out in a healthy way (i.e. exercise, writing, using humor).

'That's really what I want to do. Up until now I haven't been handling my emotions in a healthy or safe manner. I've hurt myself before. I've held in my emotions. I've snapped at people when I've just felt irritated at myself, kept my feelings secret - nothing that helps me deal with my emotions healthily. I want to deal with my emotions in a healthy way. It will make me feel better and not guilty, which I've been feeling an awful lot these days.

I guess this was kind of a serious post, so sorry about that if you were looking for humor :/ I have days where I can't tell if I'm getting better or not, and I don't know what's going to help me yet. We're still looking for places to start therapy and I may even go to a support group. I just want to get better now. To not have all these distressing thoughts of my worth or other things bothering me 24/7. I really do want to be happy.

Getting Better - Yay!

Sorry I didn't post last week! To be honest, I didn't feel like I had much to post, and even now this post isn't going to be as long as my previous ones have been. Hopefully, once I get better, I'll get back into the swing of things and have more to post :)

I'm finally starting to get back into my things - gradually, I hope. The last time I tried to handle everything on my own and jumped back into things too quickly made me feel burned out. So I'm trying to do a little of this and that whenever I feel like it, not too much or forcing anything on me.

I wish I would recover faster, but fast is just a relative term, I suppose. I'm trying to go at my own pace now, not someone else's or my predetermined one, because that will provide a more stable recovery. Oh, well, just keep trying, right? I am making progress - I can look back and say that. And it feels better going at my own pace. I'm not "behind" or "ahead" because it's not planned by me or anyone else. I compare myself to others a lot but I'm trying to do it less - it feels an awful lot better when I just compare me to me :)

In other news, my brothers had their next-to-last basketball games today! Afterwards we went to eat at Jimmy Johns (DELICIOUS subs, if I didn't mention this before) and ate Krispy Kreme. Needless to say, I am as full as a bloated whale (I don't know why I use that term xD) But man, it was sooo good. Delicious :D

I'm reading a sequel to a book I really enjoyed, I've gotten back to my DIY crafts, and I may start taking dance classes again - specifically, a tap class (yay!!!) Actually, I'd love to take yoga, too. It's kind of like dance - I even did some yoga poses for dance warmups - but different. But I love how it can be meditation, which is what I'd use it for - exercise and meditation. Anyway, even if I don't take a class I'll try looking online for some free routines or maybe even buy a program.


Anyway, that's about it for this week. Short post, I know, sorry. But I am getting back to things. See you all later! ;)

Recovery: A Funny Thing

Recovery's a funny thing. I used to imagine it as something that moved slowly, in a way, but that it only moved gradually forward. I didn't think it involved more than a few bumps in the roads, times where you felt like stepping backwards, times where you relapsed, times where felt like giving up...

By no means is recovery smooth. In the back of my mind I know I've made progress, but honestly, it just feels like I'm moving very slowly. I've had more than wanted moments or days where I feel like I've taken a giant step backwards and when I felt like giving up, and now I don't feel like I'm moving forward. It's like I am moving, but very slowly.

But I need to go at my own pace, and I shouldn't rush things. In the long run this should help. I really like the quote "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards" so I can keep that in mind. And motivational quotes I've pinned on Pinterest and just found online really help remind me of this. I think I'd might like to save a giant binder of inspirational quotes to keep in my binder to keep me moving forward and remind me that I am getting somewhere. Looking back (not ruminating, but simply observing the past) I know I'm not nearly where I was last time. I think if I just observe the past instead of regretting it should help me realize that I am getting somewhere.

I hope this post doesn't sound too depressing. I'm doing much better now, trust me. The thing I did that I thought was helping me -lying, not be honest with myself - was actually killing me inside and making things worse. I mean, I wouldn't say I'm where I want to be, and I still have days where I'm just like bleh, but at least I'm moving somewhere.

How I'm Doing Now

Hey, guys! I wasn't sure if I would feel up to posting today, but, well, here I am :) I can only describe the week (and the one prior to this week) as up and down. I've heard some people say that recovery is really, really messy and can be so inconsistent, probably especially in the beginning, which is so true.

One of the things I'm finding the hardest to do is keep a mood journal. Jotting down my moods is difficult because I spent the past three or four years trying to ignore my emotions because I didn't like what I was feeling or felt like it was "wrong" to think, if that makes any sense. But now I have to face the thoughts if I want to notice patterns so that I can get better. I'm trying to be mindful so I'll be aware of my thoughts in a nonjudgemental way. Just observing them. Hopefully with practice I'll get better. And I got an app that sends me notifications to ask me how I'm feeling at the time, which should hopefully help once I use it over time.

Another thing I noticed is that a part of me is resistant to change. Funny, right, considering that I want to change and am not happy where I am right now? I think it's because I've been so used to this, and I know I am resistant to change a lot. But I'm trying to change that (no pun intended). I usually bring myself back to this quote by Buddha: "Change isn't painful; only resistance to change is painful." I like that and hopefully it'll keep me on track when I need it.

To any out there suffering from mental illnesses/health issues - do you ever feel like you're not really "normal" anymore? Obviously you're not- what's "normal", anyway? - but do you feel like that? Now I find myself questioning just about everything I do, think, or say. It's so weird...it's like, I don't even know what's "normal" anymore, or, I guess for better words, "healthy". I guess whatever doesn't interfere with your mental or physical health is "healthy", but I've been feeling a gradual decline in the mental department for a few years now, so I wonder if I even realize what's "normal" anymore, you know?

I am starting to realize again that we all have emotional pain, and, while we deal with it differently, the pain stems from the same emotions - fear, anger, sadness, etc. People with mental disorders have theirs in more extreme forms, but that's only because their brains are wired that way. I was surprised when, seeing a post about eating disorders, saw that some people eat to numb their pain. I usually repress my emotions to the point where I trick myself into thinking I can't "feel" them anymore to deal with pain. Two same emotions, but two completely different reactions. It's amazing how we're the same yet we're so different at the same time. It gives us the ability to relate to one another yet also see another side to the same situation.

That's another thing - I've been so afraid of emotions that I tried to "banish" and not feel them. Some of my emotions were so intense that I guess I was afraid they would overwhelm me. I read that a lot of depressives do this. It's like we're afraid of emotions. I have to allow myself to feel now - when I don't, that's why I must get so numb - and it's so hard. I've had a lot of practice "not" feeling and it's only made me more miserable and feeling like I'm not enjoying life. So gradually I hope I'll start to feel.

Talking back to my thoughts is another thing I'm doing. I realize that I was mindlessly letting thoughts come and go and clinging on to some of them - particularly the thoughts that told me I was a bad person. I don't know why I listened to it, except that I guess I thought it was easier, but there's no evidence to back this up. A lot of my negative thoughts followed me thinking that I wasn't a nice or "good" person so I think I convinced myself of this. But now I'm changing. I've written some compliments about myself in a little jar that I hope will help me realize my worth. Some of my relatives have told me positive qualities about myself that I forgot, which I guess is because I listened to the negative thoughts.

Depression is like this dark curtain that only fills you with negatively. It's like you're standing under this cloud that just keeps raining on you and that's all you can see, even though there's sunshine on the other side. I also think of it like a bully that's constantly wearing you down. Not every thought is truth. Thoughts come and go. And you don't have to listen or believe everything you think - especially the negative thoughts that wear you down. I know I'll find strategies to overcome this. It may be a daily battle but I'll have faith that I'll figure it out.

So that's been some of my thoughts in a nutshell. I haven't written much about things going on in my life, mostly because it hasn't felt like much and I've also been so busy with my mental thoughts that I haven't always paid attention to the other things. And I've stopped doing a lot of things that I did before - dance, crafting, writing stories (I have done some writing but it's decreased - so I'm honestly not doing that much. But I hope that I'll be able to get my mentality in a good enough place to start doing things I've enjoyed again. And I'm trying to slowly incorporate things to do whenever I get bored (which is happening fairly frequently) - a little reading here and there, some writing, etc.

At times I feel like I haven't made much progress as far as recovery, but I know I have if I stop to think about it. I asked for help and am starting to be honest - I am moving somewhere. I'm starting to question my thoughts. I'm challenging the negative ones and combating them with positive ones. I'm starting to let go of the perfectionist in me. I'm trying to treat myself like a friend, because I'm a human being and I deserve respect just like everyone else. I just have to go at my own pace, which may be slow, but it's not going backwards. I want to keep moving forward, even if that means taking some stops at the road before picking back up.

Have a lovely week, everyone, and as always, stay strong<3

Explanation For My Absense

I was absent last week, and the week after that, which I apologize for. Honestly, I wasn't feeling up for it. All of the stuff going on in my head made me not feel like writing a blogpost, which I hate, but it's made me realize that I have to get my mental health into a good place.

But I've finally gotten some help! The past week (more likely the first three days) have certainly been interesting, to say the least, but I'm glad I finally went out to seek some help. We went through a few different people, so the process was kind of long, but I'll log down what's happened so far:

Monday I went to a psychologist - it was a lady who was also seeing another family member of mine, so that's how my mom knew her. I told her some of the mental disturbances going on in my mind and she wanted me hospitalized, but I nor my mom felt like I was in any immediate danger, so we didn't go.

The next day, we went to a behavioral center place in another city and I talked to a nurse there. I basically told her the same thing. Again, this person recommended me being admitted, but not into a hospital, I don't think - it was more like I was going to stay in their rehab center for a week. My parents had someone else that we agreed to see, a person whom my dad had worked with, and possibly some other people, so we left.

Wednesday we went up to an even farther city (two hours or so away from home) and arrived at the other place. I talked to the people there and eventually a psychiatrist. Maybe it was because of all the talking I had done before, but I felt very relieved and comfortable after all this was done. I may be able to video cam with another psychiatrist - we'll meet them in person first, of course, but after that I may do the other thing so we won't have to make a weekly two-hour trip - so everything seems to be working out so far, just like we hoped :)

I also got prescribed some medications to help. I haven't gotten a diagnosis yet, but they're suspecting that it's anxiety, depression (probably due to the anxiety in my opinion) and psychosis. The antidepressant I'm on is supposed to help with both of those. I'll also be taking some sleep medication but I'll probably get off of that quicker than the other medication. I used to be opposed to medication because I heard all the side effects of some and thought I should have tried getting better on my own, but for me that didn't work. And there's nothing "weak" about taking medication - you've just got to do what works for you, which I'm starting to learn.

Even though it was difficult repeating myself over again to different people and admitting thoughts I was ashamed/didn't want to have, I think it got easier when I finally realized that 1). my family didn't think I was crazy for feeling this way/having these thoughts and 2) the doctors and nurses didn't think I was crazy, either. Everyone genuinely wanted to help me. I know it shouldn't have been a surprise, but I just felt like I was crazy and still do, though it's to a lesser extent.

But I'm not going crazy. Something is wrong with my brain. I'm experiencing a mental disturbance of some kind, and, just like a physical malfunction, need some help. I'm going to start treating mental illness like physical illness instead of just dismissing it. It is very serious, and if you don't get help due to stigma it's likely to get worse. Denying it was one of the worst things I did and I regret it deeply. Looking back I regret listening to my fear and not telling anyone what was going on before it got to this point.

But it is what it is. I would say "better late than never" but I'm not sure it's "late" or not. Well, it's not "late" - it could have been done earlier, but it's not too late. But at least I can learn to talk now and be honest with people who want to help me. Asking for help is one of the best things I've ever done. The secrets were destroying me possibly even more than my mental health problems. Secrets really do make you sick.

So that's been my week so far. It's been kind of up and down at times, but I hope I'm making progress. Being honest is progress, so I should keep that in mind. And seeing a therapist I feel is going to be right for me. So I am moving, just slowly, but I have to remind myself that I AM moving forward. What was that quote by Abraham Lincoln? "I walk slowly, but I never walk backwards." I really like that :)

2015 Has Arrived!

I was going to title this post "New Year", but I wasn't sure if I had written that last year as the title for my blog post. But anyway, 2015 is here! Can you believe it? I know I ALWAYS say this, but the years go by so fast. I guess that's why people are always saying "live in the moment" so that it won't escape you. And the first day never feels like it's a new year - you have to wait a month or so until it really does (at least I do ;)

It's been two years??? since I first started my blog? I think it was back in 2013, I think, because my old blog was gone due to the website shutting down (the HomeschoolBlogger website I used to talk about all the time xD). Wow. Two years goes by fast, doesn't it?

High School Musical came on Disney during the days leading up to the new year. I watched it partly out of nostalgia, but honestly, even though it is cheesy, it doesn't take itself seriously, and I just find it so darn entertaining ;) The cast had so much pep. I can't believe that was 8 years ago...I remember when HSM was practically a Disney phenomenon...I'm kinda upset that it just ended and no one really talks about it anymore, but I guess it had its place and time. And besides, it's got a bit of a cult following, so I'm glad some people still like it and that it hasn't completely faded from existence.

And speaking of Disney nostalgia, ABC Family was (and I think still is) doing a throwback of Disney shows like Lizzie McGuire and That's So Raven and they aired Halloweentown. But it was on at like 12am, so I wasn't up :/ But seriously, seeing that made me so happy. I didn't watch Lizzie McGuire growing up but I did see That's So Raven and I still love it :)

Anna And The French Kiss is good, okay. I'm not sure why I keep reading romance when I say I'm not really into it :p lol. But I keep thinking that coming of age won't just deal with romance but also someone maturing as a person, so I like that. But this may be the last time I read a romance novel. I'm having a hard time getting into it. It is good, though, just not my thing.

I didn't really do anything on New Year's Eve. In the past, I had stayed up until midnight, but I just decided not to do it today. I did, however, see some fireworks that my neighbors had through my bedroom window. I tried to get some pictures/a video of it but it's blurry.

The film extravaganza begins this year xD Here are the films I'm looking forward to watch:

Avengers: Age of Ultron
Mockingjay Part 2 (I need to watch Part 1, of course)
Star Wars: The Force Awakens

I know it's not that much, but I don't go to the movies too often. Just when a film I really want to see is on, or if I'm maybe looking to hang out with some friends. But I hope the ones I chose are going to be really good :D Star Wars excites me because I have never seen a Star Wars film in theaters (I wish I had been alive during the 70s xD). The only movies I would have remembered seeing in theaters would be Attack of The Clones and Revenge of The Sith (I do remember a trailer for the later :), but I never watched the movies until ROTS and the other films were all on blueray. But anyway, I'm excited. I should totally geek out and wear like Jedi robes and carry a lightsaber :)

I know I'm not posting much, but I haven't had much going on. Once the break's over, hopefully more will go on that I can post about. Gosh, I can't believe I'm gonna be 18 this year O_O Where has the time gone? I'm not ready to be an adult! xD Lol. I mean, I honestly don't feel like I am, but I guess I'll make through. Even when I'm older, I still want to be a kid at heart :D

Well, that's been it for the week. Happy New Year, everyone!!!