Holidays Are Coming Up!

'Tis the season to be jolly! Every season is, of course, but I know people are excited for this season :) Not only are we getting a break (which I so am looking forward to), but we've also got holidays coming up! Whether you celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah or New Year's Day or whatever holiday that's coming up, you should all have a great day :D We need vacations and holidays and such to help us unwind and reflect on everything that's happened. 2014 has certainly been an interesting year (as all years have), and we've had our ups and downs, but overall everything's OK. I may be saying that more for my sake then anyone else's, but I do hope anyone reading this will keep that in mind :)

I really don't like how they're making Rumple on Once Upon A Time now :/ Even though I enjoyed last week's episode (especially seeing everyone under the Shattered Sight spell - Snow and Charming were especially funny, especially Snow xD), Rumple just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. The freaking Snow Queen redeemed herself! (I'm not sure how I feel about that - I felt like it was too quick for the people who had only known her as manipulative and evil but it made sense in the context of her backstory) Yet Rumple can't?  How many people have to sacrifice themselves for YOU to live, Rumple? (Yes, I am aware that I am talking to a fictional character and don't care) I mean, Cora died for you (though that was Snow White's fault - I loved how she said "I killed the Evil Queen's mommy" and acted like she wasn't as innocent as she seemed under the curse xD) and Neal did, too! Gosh! He was getting somewhere with his character development but now he's just uck.

Oh, well. This Frozen arc's almost over, as is the first half of this season, and maybe we'll get somewhere with Rumple. Even though I'm not really into the one-arc villain story, I am surprisingly excited that they're bringing in Cruella (yay!), Ursula (yay!) and Maleficent (huh? I thought she was killed) Three of the baddest Disney villainesses all on OUAT? Heck yeah!

I know I haven't been talking about Agents of Shield as much, but that's mainly because I haven't been watching it as much. I've been trying to go to bed earlier so I only catch half of the show now. But let's see what I remember...Skye finally met her emotionally-unstable psychotic dad who's often got blood on his hands like a butcher. Oh, and I'm pretty sure she's an alien...I have NO idea what Ward wants anymore. He went from being meh in most of season 1 to being "huh?" when we found out he was working with Hydra to now being a guy whom I have no idea what his motives are anymore - and I'm not sure I really care :/  Seriously, let's just get rid of him. I don't like his character anymore. But at least I like the other characters  (especially May, who's gotten less brooding and more awesome :D)

The book What Happened To Goodbye is an enjoyable read, but romance has never really been my thing. So you may be wondering why I even picked it up, right? xD The truth is, I needed something to read to help with writing (and for the joy of reading, of course :D), and I've heard Sarah Dessen's books are good, and I do like contemporary fiction, so I figured that I'd check it out. I promise, I may not read much romance in the future (unless it's in the context of a humorous romance) because it kind of bores me when that's the main plot. I do love a good romance (no pun intended) but I really get hooked when there's mad chemistry between the characters - there's got to be a LOT and I mean a LOT of good chemistry, like it's fricking sparks igniting (lol), or otherwise I'm kind of "meh" or here-nor-there with the romance - I'm feeling the latter in this novel. Actually, I'm not really into the characters in this books (I do like them, and really like a few), so that's probably part of the reason I'm not as into this book as I would like to be. But you know, it's a good book. I plan on finishing it, too.

Speaking of books, I've made a list of bunch of them I want to get on some notes, and I tried putting them on my "to-read" lists on GoodReads. Surprisingly, I had a lot of romance novels on there, but I did put a humorous-looking one (see?) on there that I read a preview of and think I'll enjoy - it's called To All The Boys I've Loved Before by Jenny Han. I've gotta see if my library has it, but I might have to wait...I don't want to buy it just yet because I'm not sure I want it.

Okay, fangirl alert - I saw this awhile ago, but now I have more information on it - WHY IS THERE GOING TO BE ANOTHER SELECTION BOOK??? I thought the series was over! And it's going to be set 20 years in the future, with America and Maxon's daughter in the Selection! WHY??? I thought that the Selection would be eradicated! Granted, it would probably take more than 20 years, but they can't just be okay with this,can they? Especially America? Ugh, I'm just so confused right now, and feeling conflicted...of course I WANT to read it, or at least check it out, but I'm just so...I just can't right now, people, I just can't. I have to wait until May 2015 or just stop making assumptions...so far away...so much freaking stuff happening in 2015, people! Can we all handle the entertainment abundance? xD

To be honest, I haven't been writing much (shame on me!) Aside from my diary, though, I really haven't been writing...It's not that I don't want to, because I know I do, but I'm just running out of ideas! Usually I'd blame it on not reading lately, but that leads to the question of why I haven't read lately, which leads me to the simple fact that I haven't felt like it. Lately, I had been feeling out of sorts...

Even though I thought I was learning to handle my depressive feelings, that proved wrong. I was doing okay for awhile, and right now I'm okay, but I was feeling horrible a few days ago or so. It's like whenever I heard about the stuff with Ferguson and police officers beating people up and Ebola and all the bad stuff going on, I just collapse. I don't watch the news anymore, but of course I hear about it from social media - and even with the decrease of my social media use (or trying to decrease it), I still heard about it from other people. For awhile I just tried avoiding it, but apparently that's not working...I'm not actually dealing with the problem, I realize, but rather ignoring it. This usually makes me feel numb, and just really horrible.

I think I made the mistake of thinking that I could deal with all of my problems on my own. Yes, I had help from self-help books and quotes, but that doesn't replace face-to-face conversations. I started avoiding people, I realize, whenever I felt down. And this just made me bottle up my feelings and feel really horrible. I can't deal with all my feelings on my own. I know that, ultimately, only I can change myself, but in the process, I missed a very important aspect of recovery: getting help. So I talked to my friends about this and my mom, and I've considered talking to someone. I know I feel fine now, and I don't feel like I need therapy or anything, but how long is that going to last? I can't keep going through this cycle of feeling OK sometimes and horrible the next. There's never really a time when I feel truly happy - there hasn't been for years, actually. But I'm going to get some help now.

Sorry for the sort-of depressing post there...I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest. I'm working on being more honest with myself now. I know I'm not going to tell every intricate detail of my life to the public, but I can at least stop pretending that I'm okay when I'm not. "I'm fine" is the most consistent lie I have ever told, and I'm sure others have, too. It's okay for me to not be okay all the time, I'm realizing, as long as I get help to feeling okay. I'm not going to be really depressing or anything - I tried to keep most of this post upbeat and positive - but I'm also not going to pretend that I'm happy when I'm not. If I start identifying my emotions, I know I'll be better at handling them (emotional intelligence, a newish word to my vocabulary ;)

But don't worry about me; I'll be fine. I know that I can get through this, even though I may not feel like this somedays. And I have had some good things happen to me, so it's not like it's all bad. That creative writing workshop I went to those weeks ago was fun, and of course I LOVED the Thanksgiving meal that we had. 2014 may have been challenging, but I refuse to say that it's all been bad. It hasn't. It's not so much "bad" or "good" as it is that things just affected me and it made me feel bad. But I'm okay. Everything's going to be OK :)